Harry Potter is a swatty twat with a sushipoo mind
by Mar1lyn Man5on
Summary: Ok, I changed the name but it's still da same funny adventure of stupidity!!! He is still fighting teenage years!!! moahahaha R
1. The unfinished book

HARRY POTTER: OMG, it's SUPERBUTTMAN!!  
  
SUPERBUTTMAN: Hello Kids!!  
  
MONICA: OMG, hello Mr. Superbuttman!! will you sign my belly?? will you? will you??  
  
SUPERBUTTMAN: well, of course little girl!! *signs her belly with a knife*  
  
MONICA: wow! Mr. SuperButtman scratched my belly with his signature!! wait 'til I tell my friend, Ron!!  
  
HARRY POTTER: *looks jaleous* well, SuperButtman, I want you to sign my forehead!! here, next to this wretched scar!! *points to scar*  
  
SUPERBUTTMAN: well, I surely will!! *signs his forehead with laser*  
  
HARRY POTTER: wow!! he burned my skin with his signature!! wait 'til that filthy Weasley sees this!  
  
SUPERBUTTMAN: well kids, I'm off now!! there are more places in the world that need my sparkling smile and charm!! *flashes a smile* well, g'bye! *flies off on jet pack of pink fuzzy slippers*  
  
HARRY POTTER: wow, when I grow up I wanna be just like SuperButtman!! my training starts today!! *flexes his barely visible biceps*  
  
MONICA: I'll be Super butt-woman!! your partner in crime!!  
  
HARRY POTTER: *stares* like no...  
  
MONICA: *flexes her bulging biceps* well, at least mine are bigger than yours!!  
  
HARRY POTTER: *stares* so? I have the magical gift of anxiety, AND I have a special scar that attracts paparazzi and women like flies to honey..  
  
MONICA: umm honey...sounds very unpoetic!!! *jumps up and down* so, so, so that scar is real????  
  
HARRY POTTER: well, yeah, otherwise chicks like you wouldn't be around me...chicks like scars, specially on the heads…or in other private places...hehehe...if you know what I mean, babe *eyes her up and down, twice*...say ,I didn't notice you there before! whew nice bum! *tries to grab it but Monica smacks him*  
  
MONICA: hands off, octopus!! this bum belongs to...whoops, not s'possed to say...ahem  
  
HARRY POTTER: to who? do I know him??  
  
MONICA: um...no, not quite....I mean, maybe but..um...no..yes, no..yes...um..i dunno.  
  
HARRY POTTER: ugh, fine I don't care...there are chicks out there that would die to be with me...like that chick, what's her name...oh yeah Katy something else...now she was hot, except her butt wasn't big enough for me.  
  
MONICA: *stares* geez, how big does it need to be? *tries to bent and look at her own*  
  
HARRY POTTER: as big as Moaning Myrtle's...of course she's dead and it's cold to be with her...  
  
"They walk inside a building that looks like a theatre, and they sit themselves down and wait for something to happen. Just then, a blonde, green eyed girl, accompanied by a brown haired girl with a shirt with the logo of "My little pony", and round glasses came in, looked around, spotted Monica and Harry, and walked towards them"  
  
HARRY POTTER: *chokes* oh..damn!! it's Katy!! oh don't let her see me!!  
  
MONICA: why not? *waves* HEY CHRISSIE, HEY KATY!! COME AND SIT HERE!!  
  
KATY: hey Monica...Potter...  
  
CHRISSIE: the meaning of the world is 42...but I still salute you...hey, anyone have pizza, or a baby bottle?  
  
MONICA: what for?  
  
KATY: it's for Ron...lately, he has been acting way weird..he asks for his bottle every 3 hours, and at every weird comment, starts crying.  
  
HARRY POTTER: ooo I know why...but I ain't telling!! *everyone looks at him*....nuh-huh, nope, I ain't saying anything...sorry no can do babes...  
  
CHRISSIE: ugh whatever...hey, isn't that Hermione? *points a girl with bushy brown hair who just came in*  
  
KATY: yeah it's her! *waves* hi Hermione!!  
  
"Hermione comes up next to them, salutes them all, and sits down next to Chrissie"  
  
HERMIONE: hey people, what's rocking?  
  
KATY: talk about the devil, here comes Ron...get your bottles ready... *every one takes out a bottle, a diper, and a blankey, except Harry and Monica*  
  
RON: *sniff* hiya...i just crossed on my way with Malfoy…he called me an overgrown cheez-it!! *bursts crying*  
  
"Every girl starts hugging him and offering him milk, blankies and start singing lullabies"  
  
MONICA: did you say you saw Malfoy?? ooo tell me where right now Ron!! *shakes Ron*  
  
RON: he was talking to his little zombies...moaaaaa!!  
  
MONICA: be right back *stands up and goes look for Malfoy*  
  
HARRY POTTER: why is she looking for that git?  
  
CHRISSIE: *shrug* don't know, don't care…hey what are we watching?  
  
KATY: Britney Spears' life...she's a very famous muggle singer.  
  
RON: *wakes up* oooo her?? omg she's Hot!! *wildly looks around*  
  
KATY: *rocks him some more 'til he falls asleep again* shh, let's just hope she doesn't sing one of her repetitive songs!  
  
"Monica and Malfoy come in sight, and he has his arm around her waist. They come up to them"  
  
MALFOY: hey people, what yo all doing here? *tightens his grip on Monica's waist and she giggles*  
  
HERMIONE: why are you here?  
  
MONICA: never you mind, lucky he came and lucky I found him *gives him a sweet glare, which he gives back*  
  
KATY: well, just sit down, cause this show is starting now!  
  
"Malfoy and Monica sit next to Harry and then room suddenly glows with colorful lights and music blares all around. Suddenly a short boy behind them screams"  
  
SHORON: AAAHHH THE DEVIL HAS COME TO TAKE OUR SOULS AWAY!!! THE RAINBOW CHEESE FAIRY WILL SAVE US!!! *takes out a bottle with yellow powder and opens it, and throws it out in the air*  
  
"Everyone around the little boy stands up screaming and try to run for their lives"  
  
CHRISSIE: Shoron, you moron!!...hey that rhymes!...I mean, damn it you're pouring sulfur over everyone!!! stop it!!! *moves and waves hands frantically around her to make the sulfur powder go away as much as possible*  
  
"Two gorilla-sized guards come up to the mess, and grab the little boy by the arms, and drag him out of the room"  
  
HARRY POTTER: oh no, they're evacuating the room! we will miss the whole show!! came for nothing! *punches the arm of the chair*  
  
KATY: geez, Ron is heavy! lucky he didn't heard anything of this and woke up..say, where did Monica and Malfoy went to?  
  
RON: *wakes up suddenly* I saw them, Monica pulled Malfoy by the collar of his robes to a near-by closet!! *feel asleep then*  
  
CHRISSIE: yuck...wait…does that mean I'll be auntie??? *jumps up and down* *someone taps her shoulder and stops her from jumping and hitting her head with the chandelier*  
  
DUMBLEDORE: well, if everything goes well, yes you certainly will be.  
  
KATY: why? I mean I'm sure they only make out every 3 hours, what's the danger in that?  
  
DUMBLEDORE: *shrugs* why would I know?  
  
KATY: well...professor…you're wise...I mean…ugh, just forget it!  
  
DUMBLEDORE: *shrugs* I dunno…anyways, have you guys seen where the drink stand is? I'm really looking forward for a good ole scotch-on-the-rocks… *hums and walks away*  
  
CHRISSIE: ok, now I'm really confused…oh well…  
  
HERMIONE: oh guess what I've found out! We're going back to Hogwarts in ship!!  
  
RON: *wakes up* really???!!! WOW! Fun fun fun! Maybe I can throw over-board Malfoy, Goyle, and Crabbe!!  
  
KATY: stop that Ron, you over grown cheez-it!  
  
RON: ow….*hides inside bundles of blankies that hug him*  
  
CHRISSIE: that sounds really exciting!! It shall be like a cruise or something! How wicked!  
  
HERMIONE: *nods*  
  
"The next day, they pack up everything and are ready to go off to Hogwarts… When they get to the Harbor, they see many of their old friends, and while they salute them, Kat, a girl with brown hair and brown eyes comes and joins their party."  
  
KAT: Hey people what's gliding?  
  
KATY: what's gliding? Since when do you speak like a punk with pneumonia??  
  
KAT: um since I was born?  
  
CHRISSIE: if cows were golfers they would not be cows!!  
  
RON: Hey Kat, have you seen Hermione?  
  
KAT: nay, but I did see her talking to some gruff-looking guys from Revenclaw  
  
RON: ah…I'll be right back… *strides off*  
  
CHRISSIE: Now what was that? Ohhhh look, cheese!! *points a girl with mouse brown hair, eating a sandwich* *trots off her way*  
  
KATY: um sure…hey let's go and look at our compartments while we're at it!  
  
KAT: sure  
  
"They walk towards the main ship door. They check their bags, and at the corner of their eyes they see Ron crying and Hermione explaining something to some bulky guys. Just then, they get a peek at a big room, and there they see Monica and Malfoy, cuddled up together in a corner. Harry, at the opposite corner, was chatting with Seamus Finnigan, while eyeing them at random with a sour face. They decide to walk up to Harry and Seamus because of they way Monica and Malfoy are cuddled up."  
  
KATY: hey Harry, hey Seamus *says with a soft purr*  
  
SEAMUS: h-hi Katy… *almost drools*  
  
KAT: Seamus, we're like swimming in your drool, quit! *tries to dry her sleeve which was covered with Seamus drool*  
  
HARRY: hey gals… *looks over the Cuddling-up corner and makes a face*  
  
KAT: hey what are those two clams doing so hidden?  
  
SEAMUS: *without taking his eyes off Katy* we don't know how long they have been there, but we just know they're having better fun than we are…I mean watching Harry's face isn't what you'd call fun… *smiles puppy smile at Katy*  
  
KATY: *gives Kat a quizzical look and smirks* aw well, if being a auntie makes Christini Happy, then let nature run its way…*sighs deeply*  
  
SEAMUS: what do you mean, then let nature run its way? Do you mean we all need to make out as well? *eyes her hopefully*  
  
KAT: *hits him on the head with newspaper* no nuthead! She just meant to leave them alone! Gee you need someone desperately…  
  
HARRY: Gee, you look at them…they're like glued together or something...makes me feel unloved and left out…ugh!  
  
"Just then, Manica and Malfoy get up from the big couch they were on, and come towards them."  
  
MONICA: hey people, you all look like horses, what is up with the long face? *smirks at Malfoy*  
  
HARRY: none of your business, clams *turns around*  
  
MALFOY: What's with him? *puts his arm around Monica's neck*  
  
KATY: no hablo ingles…. Ahem…  
  
SEAMUS: so…how hot was the temperature in your "special" corner? *smirks smartly*  
  
MALFOY: better than the one over here  
  
MONICA: so where is Hermione, and Ron, and my sissy?  
  
HARRY: *without turning around* why do you care? I thought you forgot you belonged in Gryffindor!  
  
MONICA: um, no, I just found that leather skirt she wanted so for her date and wanted to give it to her *shakes a bag that she was carrying* well if you see her tell her I'm looking for her, ok?  
  
KAT: Sure do! Hey Malfoy, where is you friend Marcus Flint? Have you seen him around lately?  
  
MALFOY: oh him? Um…yeah, he was talking to a short-black haired girl at the bar a couple of hours ago…why?  
  
KAT: oh nothing, nothing…just um curious! *laughs nervously*  
  
"Just then Hermione comes in, carrying Ron by his ear. Ron is puffed eyed and has tears streaming down his cheeks. Hermione just looks outraged. She thrusts him next to Katy."  
  
HERMIONE: Ok, who let this *points at Ron, still sprawled on the floor* over grown cheez-it with pneumonia get away and come to drive two sizzling hot guys away from my paws??!!  
  
KATY: *whispers to Monica* is it just me, or is there smoke coming out of her ears?  
  
MONICA: nope it's true, and there is smoke coming out of her nostrils as well  
  
KATY: ow..  
  
HERMIONE: well?!!  
  
KAT: Um, well, he only said he was going to look for you…he didn't specify his departure…*looks around the room*  
  
RON: I-I thought those two were trying to kidnap you!! *tears still streaming down his front*  
  
HERMIONE: I was showing them my new necklace, which happens to be too short and they had to come closer to see it!! Oh for crying out loud keep this baby away from me for a day will you!? *storms out of the room*  
  
RON: *sniff*… *looks down*  
  
MONICA: aww poor Ron, come here you poor misunderstood boy! *opens her arms to hug him*  
  
RON: mommy! *runs into her arms and buries himself*  
  
MALFOY: *indignant* hey that's my girl!  
  
MONICA: hey you will have more of me after poor Ron has calmed down, ok tiger? You know you're the only guy for me *gives him a sexy look*  
  
MALFOY: *giggles quietly*  
  
HARRY: UGH! *storms out of the room*  
  
"Harry comes back to grab Ron out of Monica's arms, and then drags him out with him. Just then, Christine comes in, mouthful of sandwich, which she stole from the mouse brown haired girl."  
  
CHRISSIE: Hey, hide me just in case that girl comes looking for me! *sees Malfoy* the meaning of life is 42!! *sticks out tongue*  
  
MALFOY: *blank faced* um…yeah of course it is… *gives Monica a quizzical look*  
  
MONICA: hi sissy *rocks Ron some more and shrugs at Malfoy* hey we better start looking for our compartments so we can unpack there…do any of you have any idea how much time it will take to reach Hogwarts?  
  
MCGONAGALL: It will take exactly 7 hours and 56 minutes.  
  
KATY: wow, how…where...when…?  
  
MCGONAGALL: well, of course I should've known you have all forgotten what transfiguration is, now haven't you? *gives them sharp, yet joking look* well, I do transfigurate into a cat and you all know that. Now hop on to find your compartments, for it is almost dinner time.  
  
CHRISSIE: if cows were waffles they would not be cows!! *hops up and down*  
  
MCGONAGALL: um…yes…of course… *gives the other exasperated and questioningly looks* um…is she under any muggle treatment?  
  
KAT: um no she's just that way…  
  
MONICA: she's what you'd call gifted *looks at Malfoy who is at the end of his wits, trying to control his laughter*  
  
" Prof. McGonagall transfigurates herself into a cat and goes somewhere. Then they all decide to go look for their compartments, and to refresh a little bit before going to dinner."  
  
"After what seemed like an hour, they all met at the dining hall, and went inside, to find a seat that fitted for the 7 of them, for Malfoy had to sit at the Slytherin Table. After sitting themselves at a far corner, the chatter began."  
  
"HERMIONE: well, did you hear the rumors? They say that Moaning Myrtle found the ghost of a boy who drowned in the lake and they got married and went away. At least Hogwarts is now Myrtle-free!  
  
HARRY: wow, really? Good, now I don't have to visit her.  
  
KATY: you never did *chews a piece of Shepherds pie*  
  
HARRY: Well I had it in mind…I'm a busy person gee!  
  
MONICA: yeah whatever you say *gives a long drink of Artichoke juice, and then chokes* Oh my God, what is this?? *points at goblet*  
  
"At the same moment she asks this, Malfoy got up from his table and yelled at her: "DON'T DRINK THIS, IS ARTICHOKE JUICE, PART OF THE NEW DIET AT HOGWARTS!! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET POISONED, I WILL GIVE YOU PUMPKIN JUICE AFTER DINER, JUST HOLD ON!!" and sat down, staring at her every movement."  
  
MONICA: *open mouthed* wow…is he committed… *gives the goblet a disgusted look*  
  
HARRY: *scornfully* anyone could've known it was pepper juice…*gives a sip*  
  
KAT: is artichoke juice  
  
HARRY: *choking* DAMN!  
  
CHRISSIE: mmmmm I find it quite yummy *gives a long sip from her goblet* HEY! This isn't artichoke juice! It's cabbage juice! Yuckies!  
  
HERMIONE: mmm I guess these juices change flavor! Cool! Remind me of sending some to my parents…*smiles evilly*  
  
RON: *timidly* w-why?  
  
HERMIONE: *sharply* because they're allergic to artichoke, and they make me wear braces...oh by the way *taps her braces with wand and they disappear* 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: The gifted book  
  
It was 2:32 a.m. when Katy heard a noise outside her compartment. Luckily it didn't awake Chrissie, nor Monica, nor Hermione, nor Kat. So, thinking it might have been some kiddo's cat, that had run away for a nighttime stroll, she went back to her soft pillows. But, her fortune didn't favor her that night, and those rare noises were heard even louder. They were like something scratching the door…but what? And why? Ugh she thought, why do they bug me so late at night? So, thinking she might scare the heck out of whatever was roaming about outside, she grabbed her wand, and went slowly towards the door. Then the noises stopped and grew louder yet they were made slower. She gulped, swallowed her fear, and open the door, pointing her wand at the floor.  
  
"Malfoy??!! What the heck are you doing here in the dead of the night??"  
  
"I-I need to talk to Monica, privately…but I didn't want to wake her up either"  
  
"Ugh, stupid, well, can't you wait 'til morning? It's only 5 hours from now"  
  
"Um, no I don't' think I can swallow it 'til later."  
  
"Eek, fine I'll wake her up…" She went in, and her figure was lost in the darkness, but she could be heard muttering and cursing under her breath sleepily.  
  
"Monica, Briar Rose, wake up, your Prince Charming awaits for you at the magical door" -said Katy.  
  
"Umm….uh? GRAB THE CHOCOLATE AND HIDE IT!!!…oh...whoops...what is it again?"  
  
"It's that git, Malfoy, he feels the need to wake us all up to talk to you…grrr...right when I was dreaming I was kissing Josh Harnett…" She smiled faintly when she thought of that.  
  
"Um…sure" She stood up, and shaked like a dog, and, put on her half pig, half cow slippers and slipped towards the door lazily.  
  
Ten minutes later, she came back in, apparently sobbing. Katy turned, and looked at her, but, from the darkness couldn't see anything. "You okay, Monica?" "Yeah…just tired…sleepy…", and she fell flat on her bed.  
  
"Yeah we're stopping at some points to pick more scholars up" said Prof. Vector to a couple of kids who were crowding the entrance to the Hall. "But why? Couldn't those lazy scubbuses just get to where we were and take the shop with us?" said Marcus Flint. At the sound of his voice, Kat made a 180º turn, and went as fast as a bullet towards him.  
  
"Now, what's with everyone? Geez, love is spreading like pneumonia"  
  
"Oh shut up Chrissie, if you want a crush, go and look over at lovematchforlosers.com"  
  
"Ew, Katy, don't tell me you look at that??!!"  
  
"No…no...course not!" She looked away "say where is Monica?"  
  
"I saw her going outside, said she was going to take a stroll before going to breakfast" said Ron, who just caught up with them. "She looked sad and puffy eyed, you guys know what happened?"  
  
"Well, Malfoy did pay her a visit yesterday night, and after a couple of minutes she came, and she said she was just tired" Said Katy.  
  
"I know what happened" said a boy with black hair, brown eyes and tanned skin, who was new to their sight.  
  
"Who are you?" said Ron.  
  
"I am Freddie, but everyone calls me Jade, cause it sounds cool" said Jade, while he smirked smartly. Chrissie then took out her wand and said tarantallegra and suddenly Jade was clutching his stomach.  
  
"Ha, learned that from Mister Malfoy himself!!!"  
  
Katy sighed and looked at Jade, who laid clutching his stomach, flat on the wooden floor.  
  
"Now, will you please don't mind Chrissie, and tell us nicely what happened, or do I have to use the same spell again?"  
  
Jade stood up, sighed and said "Well, if it's me who has to break the news for you I will be. He broke up with her, cause he met some Slytherin girl named Julie. That's all I know, I swear" he raised his left hand and put it on his head.  
  
""It's your right hand over your tummy, you idiot!" said Ron.  
  
"No, it's 42!!!" said Chrissie.  
  
"No, it's my left hand over my head, fools!" said Jade, now smiling widely.  
  
"No" said Hermione, who just appeared "it's the right hand over your heart, you imbeciles!" and she did so, to show them.  
  
"Oh!" said all of them, while Hermione smirked and showed off, "and what house are you on?" she said pointing at Jade.  
  
"Me? Oh I'm in Slytherin, why?"  
  
"Mmm, just curious. You new or something? I don't remember seeing you here before"  
  
"Yeah, American exchange student from the Salem Magical Academy"  
  
"Ah". And they trailed off to Breakfast.  
  
"And, while Mary came closer to her final decision, Mark grabbed her hand, and, while she looked over her shoulder, she saw that it was no Mark; it was a giant pumpkin". "Oooh this book is exciting!" said Kat, while she flipped pages of a book called Stupid stories for stupid readers. "Hey everyone, gather up and listen to this one, it's Hilarious! It's one of those stories that they left without ending! Then you make it up on some free pages they give you!" And so she read: Once upon a time, there was a person who. "wow this is exciting!! GIMME A PEN, I'M GONNA FISNISH IT RIGHT NOW!!" and she jumped up and down, like a frog, while jotting down.  
  
"Wow, that story sounds better than mine!" and she recited "The meaning of life is 42, but cows, who are golfers, wouldn't be cows if the meaning of life wasn't 42 ounces of chocolate mixed with artichoke juice."  
  
"Oh dear" said Katy  
  
"yup yup" said Ron, who was cuddled up on a puff, while eating cheese puffs.  
  
Right then, Harry came in, painting and running like mad, for he was mad, and, spotting them at a corner, came towards them at the speed of a turtle.  
  
"Hey, hello, hi you all" and he fell tirelessly on a puff.  
  
"What is it Potter?" said Katy, not looking up from her I finally knew why my boyfriend wasn't visiting me anymore! Magazine.  
  
"I have two new news! The first one is that the ship won't reach Hogwarts 'til tomorrow morning, and second-"  
  
"Ow!" Groaned Ron "gee, I wanna get there NOW!" and he tried to punch the arm of the puff, but fell, because the puff didn't have any arms.  
  
"And second" said Harry, glancing at Ron smartly "Malfoy was seeing with three heads, 5 arms, and 6 legs sprouting from his body, running with McGonagall!" and at this he cracked up.  
  
"Oh, 'eallii??" said Chrissie, with mouthful of one too many cheese puffs that she stole from Ron.  
  
"Yeah and guess who gave Malfoy the beautiful limbs" he said, looking, for the first time, mysterious, without looking pathetic.  
  
"Who? Who?!" said Ron, peeking from the floor.  
  
"Monica" 


	3. Chapter 3

Chrissie, Ron, Katy, and Kat, all fell from whatever they were sitting, excepting Ron, who, already, was on the floor.  
  
"Yep, Ha! I knew he would do that to her! There's no telling when Malfoy is gonna give it to ya!" and, as he said this, he punched the air, almost falling forward.  
  
"Wow! I never believed my sister could do that! I mean that's advanced transfiguration! How did she learned it?"  
  
"I can tell you" said Monica, who just entered the room "It's easy; when you're free, older guys will do anything to be with you, so asking for their transfiguration books was easy."  
  
Just then, Jade entered the room, and, spotting the party of weirdoes, he came towards them.  
  
"Hey, don't I know you?" he said to Monica.  
  
"Yeah, you're that dude to whom I used to chat so much. I thought you had no special powers, how come you're here? This is for special people, unlike you" she said sourly, glancing about him, up and down.  
  
"well, for you info, I am special" and he swelled to double his size "I went to Salem Magical Academy-"  
  
"For dummies?" and she stormed out of the room, and, she stopped dead. She was watching something…or someone. Just then, she went and hid inside a closet. Thus, a girl came in, and, she walked towards Jade and the party-  
  
"Have any of you seen Malfoy? I'm a bit worried, he ran off this morning and I can't find him anywhere" she glanced hopefully at them.  
  
"Yeah" said Jade, coolly "yeah we know stuff, you know we know and we know you'd like to know the stuff we know about Malfoy."  
  
Julie, stared blankly, but plainly puzzled at Jade. Then she threw a quizzical and pleading look at Katy, and-  
  
"Well, if you do see him, please do tell him I'm looking for him…you see, I can't get enough of him" she said, flashing a sexy smile. "well, I'm off, bye Gryffindorians" and she paused and looked at Jade "and Slytherin".  
  
Thus, Monica came out of the closet, as berserk as ever. "So, 'I can't get enough of him', right? Well she can keep him, for I will not care!" and she stormed out of the room, bumping carelessly into Hermione, who was coming with a dreamily grin on her freckled face.  
  
"Ah love...what is love? Love will make you feel-"  
  
"Like puking at the sight of your face, for one" said Ron, now getting up and sitting down, on a stable chair. "what's with you?"  
  
"Hush Ron, you disconnected me from my ego! I just made out" she said, coming closer to the girls "with Cedric Digory's "at the sound of his name, everyone looked down "cousin!"  
  
"ohmi God, he is like so fine!" said Katy, enthusiastic, as Katy added "like I wouldn't mind getting involved with him…" and she smirked sexily.  
  
"Ow God!" and Ron stormed out of the room.  
  
Monica was looking out to the sea, holding a glass of safe orange juice. At least the cook, Mandy, gave her some assurance it was orange juice. Then, she heard some feet behind her, only to see that it was a little boy with black hair…aha! The one who screamed at the Britney Spears' show!  
  
"Hey, you!" she called to him.  
  
"Yeah?" he came for a closer look, holding a gigantic piece of cheese. "that must be as heavy as the devil! How can you carry that?"  
  
"nah, I used a weight-lifter charm, and it only weights as much as my pinky" he said, as he moved his pinky.  
  
"I see...not…anyway, why did you scream at the Britney Spears' show?" and she gave a small sip of her "safe" orange juice.  
  
"mmm" he said, as he shrugged "just thought of making a flashy welcome to her" and he laughed. "you want some?" he said offering her some cheese.  
  
"Sure, why not, thanks" she said, as she pinched some cheese off the big cheese.  
  
"Hey, if you see the friend of my cousin's brother's sister, cousin's friend Grace, tell her I have the cheesecake she asked for." And he trotted off. She turned around, only to observe some mutant dolphins swim by…They had the body of a dolphin, the pincers of a crab, the head of a seagull, and the tail of a lama. "That's odd" she thought "we must be getting nearer to Hagrid" and, as she said this, she smiled to herself.  
  
"Grace!" said Jade, walking closer "where is the baby?"  
  
"What baby?" said she  
  
"the baby you were expecting-  
  
"a year and a half ago...gee, you're so gullible, you actually believed I was pregnant?"  
  
"….no, of course not…" and he looked away.  
  
"Well, hi to you too Freddie"  
  
"It's Jade… it sounds smooth and cool" saying this he passed his hands over his messed hair.  
  
"EEEwww look, Malfoy and Julie are making out! Yuck!"  
  
"Tell me about it" said Monica, who came strolling by.  
  
"Hey it's you…tall girl to whom I chatted with!" said Jade, unsmartly.  
  
"No kidding, Freddie" said she  
  
"I'm not Freddie, I'm-"  
  
"Jade" said both of the girls "yes we know, but we don't like it, so there".  
  
"Hey it's getting late for lunch and I feel hungry! I could eat a lama" said Jade, or, rather, Freddie.  
  
"Then look at the dolphins, and your wish shall be granted" said Monica playfully.  
  
However, Jade had his attention on something else, and, mumbling something, he strode off, leaving Grace and Monica looking politely puzzled.  
  
"The heck was that!" exclaimed Grace. "Um, I don't really care…" said Monica, then she set her eyes on some passing-by guy…and smiled sweetly at him.  
  
Harry smiled back. 


	4. Chapter 4

"Ok, I have never seen such a poor imitation of the Bee Gee's, Harry" said Katy when Harry came in ,singing "Jive Talkin'". "So? If you're cheerful, sing!",and as he said this, Chrissie threw him a salmon.  
  
"Ouch Chrissie, that did slap my face, you know…?" and he cleaned his face with his pink sleeve. Just then Jade came in with a new guy, who had brown wavy hair, and grayish blue eyes. Ashie smiled coolly. "Hey people, this is Ashie-man" said Jade, coolly. "Um, yah we know" said Kat, glancing up from her snack, which consisted of a huge boiled cheese "he is that dude who used to hold Chrissie's heart on a string and-" .Before she could finish her sentence, Monica launched forward, and, having grabbed Ashie by his hair, she started beating him up, while Chrissie came forward, looking like a wild hag. Which, of course, was nothing compared to the look on Monica's face.  
  
"Dude, WWF!!" and with no further word, Ron launched forward and started giving tips to the wild hags on how to beat the heck out of Ashie.  
  
"STOP THAT STOP!!" said Jade…but he didn't move off the spot. Instead he took out a muggle camera and starting taking pics of the scene.  
  
However Hermione came in, accompanied by Grace, and, seeing that vision, she grabbed her wand out of her leather skirt, with some difficulty, for it was leather ("damn too tight!") and said "pertrificus totalus" and suddenly all the wild attacks were stopped, including Ashie.  
  
"The heck is going on in here?" asked she. "Well, it seems that these two" pointed Kat at the now statues of Monica and Chrissie "haven't forgotten who that "she pointed sourly at Ashie's rocked body "is."  
  
"It figures" added Grace "anyone wants some…meat?" she said, as she licked blood off her lips. Grace was what people liked to call cannibal, but to her, she was just a regular teacher-eater. She was sure she wasn't the only one who invited teachers to "dinner" with her, and then ate them for dinner.  
  
"Oh c'mon Hermione this was getting bloody!" exclaimed Ron, thrusting his arms on the air frantically.  
  
"No, Ron, if I wasn't invited to this" she glanced to the wild pack "then no one gets to fight." She added, sort of shockingly "boop boop di dup!!" and she started shaking her bum as if possessed by Humpty Dumpty. Grace backed off slowly, but she added "yum yum".  
  
Harry took out his wand, and started muttering words that made no sense. "Harry, you're speaking Russian." Katy warned him lazily. "Oh really? They sounded familiar to me…" He started to twiddle with his wand as if he had never held it before. Katy sighed. She took out her wand and said "finite incatatem" and the wild pack came alive again. Monica shaked a little bit, and then launched forward to hit Ashie on his right eye for the fourth time, but Harry seized her just in time. Thus, Chrisssie thrust her elbow out and planned to fall on purpose, aiming her elbow to Ashie's Adams apple, but, alike Monica, Kat grabbed her just in time to detour her from her goal.  
  
"Hey!" said Monica and Chrissie "we were having fun!!"  
  
"Yeah and assuring yourselves a cell at Azkaban as well" said Katy, eyes glowering with anger "Just let him go and destiny…or rather a manticore sent by me, will give him what he deserves."  
  
Jade sighed, growled and took Ashie out of the room, dragging him by his twice broken arm. Shoron came in to say "Hey guess what I found out!!" "what Shoron? Your brain?" sighed Hermione. "Or maybe his feet!" added Grace, jumping like a penguin, on the lookout for teachers to gulp down. "No, sugarbritches, I found out that one of Malfoy's added arm can't be taken away from him without muggle surgery! Good job Monica!" and he ran out of the room screaming "THE CHEESE FAERY WILL SAVE THE MILKY WAY AND CHANGE ITS NAME TO 'THE CHEESY WAY'!!!".  
  
"Okie artichokie, well, I guess it paid off…" said Monica  
  
"What paid off?" asked Harry, suspiciously  
  
"Oh, um nothing dear, just…um…nothing" and she sat down, and buried her nose on a "How to make the perfect curse" book.  
  
"Well, you're up to something" said Ron, examining her suspiciously  
  
"yeah" said Monica, while she grabbed on of her Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, and (since she knew what flavor each of them had) stuffed Ron's mouth with all the nasty flavored ones, while Chrissie, Kat, Katy, Hermione, and Harry laughed their asses off, and Ron choked. 


	5. chapter 5

Chapter 5: The attack of the Marshmallow Slippers  
  
"So, this is it?" asked Ron to Monica, when she finished reading "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. "Well, yeah what were you expecting? That she woke up and started dancing the lambada?"  
  
"Something like it…" said Ron, goofing off to sleep, but fell off his chair on the way.  
  
Monica shaked her head. She closed the book, and was going to stand up and go to the deck when Katy came in running.  
  
"THYE'RE ATTACKING THE SHIP!!! QUICK HIDE UNDER THE COVERS!! THEY WILL MARSHMELLIZE YOU TO DEATH!!" and she went to hide under a pillow, but didn't fit, so her butt was showing.  
  
"What are you talking about, Katy? Who is going to Marshmellize who??" said Monica, grabbing her by the wrist and putting her up.  
  
"The Marshmallow Slippers!! They're from another dimension…from the Hate- Cheese dimension!! Which is the 2nd dimension!" and she hurried out of the room, screaming and warning everyone to jump out the ship. Monica stood there, and glanced at Ron, whose forehead could be seen showing from under a table. "Ron, quick, help me gather everyone up" to which he replied "okay". "SHORON COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!". "RON! That's no way of calling anyone!" yelled Monica. However she was wrong, and Shoron appeared on a sleeping gown that consisted of a lose shirt with Scooby-Doo printings, and some pants with Blue's Clues printings. "What?" he asked sleepily. "We are being attacked by…by…um…" and she tried to gesture the attackers with her hands, but gave up trying. "Oh yeah the Marshmallow Slippers, yeah I know" said Shoron with a matter-of-fact tone.  
  
"Then what are we gonna do? I mean those things…um…marshmellize people!!" said Monica waving her hands to and fro frantically.  
  
"Does that word even exist?" asked Ron, while he tried to bite off his toenail.  
  
"Um, I really don't know" said Shoron, and he took out a piece of moldy- looking cheese, which he stuffed in his mouth. "Mmm there's nothing better than ole cheese!" and he stumbled out of the room.  
  
"Well, I gotta gather the party here, or else we will be reduced to marshmallows!" and Monica hurried out of the room.  
  
  
  
"Ooo so that's how it looks, uh?" said Harry, as he flipped through the pages of PlayWitch Magazine. "Yeah, and I thought they only had five, but wow, some girls just are weird" exclaimed Jade. "Yeah, I've never seen a girl with six toes before!" agreed Harry, amazed by the weird sight. Just then, Kat hurried in, and stopped, panting.  
  
"Hey, haven't you heard??" she asked scared  
  
"Heard of what? You too have six toes?" asked Harry, amused  
  
"What? No!! I meant the fact that we're being attacked by Marshmallow Slippers! You better look for the people and gather them, Monica informed me that we are all to meet at the Diversion room." Jade and Harry were completely lost, but they nodded, and got up. Jade, turned back, and grabbed the magazine and rolled it, and put it inside his back pocket.  
  
  
  
"Well, we have all heard…that we're being attacked by some weird creatures, and we need to do something. I gathered up some tools that could be of use" and as she said this, Hermione and Kat passed out weird things they had found on the way.  
  
"A salmon, and a shoe?" asked Katy, puzzled, as she was handed these items. "What good is this?"  
  
"Well, who knows, maybe those slippers are scared of shoes" replied Kat.  
  
"A book, and a lighter?" asked Chrissie, looking at these tools, amazed.  
  
"Yes, you can have some s'mores!" Hermione told Chrissie happily.  
  
"Oh…then I need some boiled cheese, otherwise they won't be real s'mores" and she started to look through her hair.  
  
"A pen, and a door?" asked Monica, bewildered. "Um, am I supposed to lock them in a room without walls and poke them?" asked her with a sarcasm tone.  
  
"Ha ha ha, well, it might come in handy" replied Ron, as he looked to his weapons: a sheet of paper, and a jug of artichoke juice.  
  
"Well, at least if you make them drink the juice they will die" said Jade smartly. Just then he was handed a pack of matches and a bra. "Ok, wow-wow- wow, why do I get the bra?" asked Jade, pointing at the bra with his eyebrows raised.  
  
"Well, maybe you can tie them with it" said Monica, laughing "or maybe you can try it on and see how it feels to have boobs!" and to this, she cracked up.  
  
Jade just stared at her in utter amazement. "You're on drugs aren't you?"  
  
"No, not really…I was on shrimps, but I left that on my own will" answered her with an odd grin on her face.  
  
But as she was saying this, Jade and Harry were inspecting and poking the bra in utter amusement.  
  
  
  
"Take that you big scubbus!!" and Grace poked the Marshmallow Slipper with a rubber-band under it's eye...or so she thought it was an eye. It was just a hole in that weird body. It had the shape of a slipper, but it was made of Marshmallow. They were about 2 inches tall and 90 inches wide. They were all light blue, pink, or white. Some people were just biting them, but found, in distaste, that they did not like furry marshmallows, and that these did not liked being bitten and their response was to "swallow" them whole, where they got lost inside the fluffy-marshmallow creature, but not really swallowed.  
  
"UGH it tried to swallow me!!" yelled Katy, as she was trying to confuse it, firing all sorts of spells with her wand. Her marshmallow had been so far a cockroach, a needle, and a bottle of rum. How this happened, she didn't know.  
  
The slippers had already taken part of the ship, but strangely, they did not touch Ashie at all. He could be seen standing there, while he observed our friends fighting for their lives. At last, Kat went towards him, as she sliced one slipper in two with her hair clip.  
  
"Hey, Ashie, come and help us, we are in need"  
  
"Um, better not…Uh, I'm allergic to Slippers and marshmallows, sorry." And he started combing his hair.  
  
Just then, there was a great flash of pink light, and an Asian dude was running towards them followed by pink fuzzy bunny slippers and yellow teddy bears dressed like Britney Spears.  
  
"Hi, my name is Jason, and I have come to help you fight these murderous creatures!" and as he said this he took his helmet off, to show black hair, and dark eyes.  
  
"Well, hi Jason!" greeted Monica, who came near by. After slaughtering a big fluffy pink slipper. "Thank the Cheese Faery you're here! How did you know we were being attacked by Marshmallow slippers?"  
  
"Julie sent me a telepathic message, telling me Ashie was Wormtail in disguise, and that Lord Voldemort-"  
  
"Our brother!!" yelled Monica and Chrissie, as they looked at each other, and ducked a thrown strawberry from a blue slipper. "Why, I didn't know Ashie knew our bro!" exclaimed Chrissie in surprise.  
  
"And that Lord Voldemort had sent him to perish everyone! I had to come, since Spiderman game me some classes on how to fight!" continued Jason. "I brought my friends here to help us" as he signaled his big army. At that moment, his army dispersed and started attacking the slippers.  
  
Ashie ducked towards Jason to kill him, but Chrissie, grabbed his hair, and said "that's what you think!" and, having said that, Monica, Grace, and her took out their wands and fired the "Avedra Kedavra" curse. A jet of green light flashed and Wormtail laid dead on the floor. 


	6. Chapter 6: the start of dumbness

Chapter 6: The start of the dumbness (to all those who are mentioned here I send all the cheese in the world! Thanx for being my lil fiends!)  
  
The ship anchored at Hogwart's lake, and all the students were finally released. After all the explanations and dinner, one by one, and numbly, They all went to sleep in their correspondent beds.  
  
"Boy am I tired!" yawned Ron, as he, mistakenly drank from a glass that contained  
  
"AGH rancid milk! Who put this here?" demanded he. "I like chickens" said Harry stupidly, putting on his pj's inside out (a/n" thanks to Tyler for that line). "Oops I guess that was my glass of milk…the one I was drinking before we went away for summer…" said Thomas, shyly, as he gathered the glass and threw it over at Harry. "Hey! I said I licked chickens!" exclaimed Harry, while trying to cleanse himself. "You mean Like chickens, you don't lick them…I hope…unless they do taste like fried chicken…in that case is ok…because…I mean…" and Ron went to bed, thinking dully.  
  
  
  
Malfoy gasped. Not just him, but the whole class of Slytherins and Gryffindorians gasped. Neville almost choked and died.  
  
"Yep my dear students, I did it!" said Prof. Snape proudly. "Now I do feel like a mature man!" and as he said this, he started humming the song "Peaches and Cream".  
  
Malfoy raised a trembling hand "Um, Prof. Snape, sir, um, what the heck happened to you, sir?"  
  
"What happened, my dear boy? Well isn't it obvious? I washed my hair!" and as he said this, he passed his hand over his new afro-style hair and grinned at all the open mouths.  
  
In that same moment, Prof. Trelawney hustled in and at the sight, stopped, and poured a quizzical look over Snape, while he smirked.  
  
"Now, now, Severus, do tell me what happened to you?!" and she took off her glasses to inspect him better.  
  
But Prof. Snape didn't want to explain…he wanted to show it rather. So He jumped on her like a wild cat, and started making out with her.  
  
"Ew gross!" said Hermione "everyone out of here! We might get "makeoutporosis" or something!" and she shoved everyone out. The she turned around, and took a last glance at those two, and sighed, and closed the door. "Hogwarts has gone berserk over the last 2 months! At this rate we will all get sacked and all the teacher will be dementors!" and she buried her nose on the book "Eating for dummies".  
  
"That was rather gross, wasn't it?" added Katy, as Kat and Chrissie were fighting over a chair. Harry went and kissed each of them, thing that drove them away screaming that they had cached malaria. "Ah the power of cheese" he sighed and plumbed down on the chair, which moved and he fell on his bum and yelped of pain. "My perfect butt! Ouchies!" and he pushed open the Fat Lady Portrait and went away running who knows where.  
  
"Harry is no biggy either! He has turned sort of…um…" explained Katy  
  
"Let me finish that for you dear, he has turned more stupid than he already was." Stated Hermione.  
  
Grace entered the room, carrying a sleeping Ron. "He was found by me, duh, when I was on my way to the bathroom. Mark this, why does he do that?!" and she let him fall flat on the ground. He did not wake up, but went on snoring peacefully.  
  
Jason rushed in, Peachy in sight as well (a/n: Great idea Grace, for Peachy to be Jason's gf!). She was running and shaking her bum at the same time…how she could do it, still remains a secret.  
  
"But Jason! You just can't send us off! We're comfortable with the elves! Even some of our crew got married with them! If you send them away, they won't go!" cried she, while shaking her miniature butt. A chubby pink fuzzy teddy bear, dressed as Britney Spears she was, she was the "girl" that made Jason's world revolve around him.  
  
"I'm really sorry, dear Peachy, but my mum says that we can't get married 'til I do a whole year round course here, in Howgarts! And you guys aren't accepted!" he tried to hug her, but she jerked away. "Fine" she hissed "be that way! I'm joining Tommy's network!" and she stormed out of the room.  
  
Jason looked puzzled "who's Tommy?"  
  
"Our brother, Tom Riddle, aka Lord Voldemort" said Chrissie and Monica at the same time, for they were twins!  
  
"Oh...um…okay" said he. Then Grace who had been speaking to someone outside the common room, brought that someone inside. It was Cho Chang.  
  
"Hey Cho! Sorry but Harry is like outta here. His bum hurt" said Kat, with a matter-of-fact tone.  
  
Cho saluted her, and said  
  
"I don't come here for no crying baby" and she turned her head at Jason. "Hi, who are you? I'm adding your name to my vocabulary!" and she took out a note pad full of names and phone numbers.  
  
  
  
Zonko's Joke shoppe was as full as could be. And, to top it all, it seemed that that day was official take-your-date-out, and everyone had someone to go with, except Harry, Ron, Hermione, Kat, Monica, Chrissie, and Kat who had Marcus Flint as a date. Cho had Jason in her clutches, but they weren't here.  
  
"Ugh why is everyone like making out in a joke shoppe?" complained Monica. Malfoy and Julie came in sight, too tight together. "whew, I'd ran out of breathe if I was there!" laughed Monica.  
  
Just then, Jade cam in sight, wearing a pink poncho, and was talking to Shoron.  
  
"Hey people, what yo all doin' here?" and he sort of shaked his ugly poncho.  
  
"EW the heck are you wearing??" said Hermione, totally grossed out.  
  
"What? You like it uh? Yeah I should know…it's the "in" thing...trend this year, and I'm the first wearing it!". Just then, a short blonde haired girl came and took Jade away.  
  
"The world is coming to a cheesy end!" exclaimed Ron, ectastic. Chrissie slapped him, and stares wrestling him saying "that's my line, that's my line!".  
  
"I like and lick chickens!" added Harry, before he got lost.  
  
"Hey I'm gonna buy some things for my parents, I'll be righty back" and Hermione walked away as well.  
  
Katy and Monica looked at each other and shrugged. Katy turned to talk to Shoron, while Monica made her way between all those clammy dates, sighing and "ewing". She found an empty place and sat down, to read. Suddenly, a short dirty-blonde hair dude, with a katana, came in sight, and sat next to her. "Hi Tyler" said Monica, not glancing up from her magazine.  
  
"HAIYA!" and he started making weird things with his arms and his katana, which didn't leave his belt for a moment.  
  
"I thought I told you to leave your dream behind. You're never, mark my words, ever gonna work for Jackie Chan, NEVER." And she glanced at his weird costume; it seemed that he had made it up, for the sleeves were from some different coloured blouses, one pink, one aqua blue. The chest part was from a poncho, that had flower prints. The left leg was made of tiger- printed pants and the right leg was short, but bright-blinding magenta. She couldn't help it and started laughing.  
  
"What ya laughing at, uh?" asked Tyler, glancing at her.  
  
"N-nothing *laughed* it's just th-that you *snort* LOOK SO HELLA FUNY!!!" and fell on the floor, laughing madly.  
  
Tyler shook his head.  
  
Then, an explosion occurred, stirring them from their spots. The blinding purple light flashed and Monica and Chrissie screamed. 


	7. Chapter 7- The Upside down land

"Wales can jump like kangaroos!"  
  
-Grace Liou  
  
Chapter 7: The Upside-down brains  
  
Tyler jumped like a frog and fell off the table. The purple blinding flash of light was filling rapidly all over Zonko's Joke Shoppe. If this was a new joke, it wasn't enjoyable. Monica and Chrissie were still screaming like wild hags, when the light zapped away as fast as it came.  
  
Harry was standing there, with Jade's wand and his own wand, holding them and looking at them with eyes as wide as c.d.'s. Then he looked up and showed a crimson red face. Tears abrupt and he yelled like a little girl and he ran out of the room.  
  
"Um, it wasn't me" said Ron, looking around, but he could se little, for he was standing under a fake bubble gum donkey and the bubble gum was sticking to himself.  
  
"We know that, you sushipoo! But how did Harry caused such light explosion with two wands? Ugh the stupid things stupid people can do!" and Katy slapped her forehead "OUCH!".  
  
"Katy ran and blocked Monica and Chrissie's mouths shut. When she looked up and sighed, she saw why they were still screaming. There arose a girl, or was she? A rather misty appearance of a girl, dressed like Jasmine form Aladdin, Sara the genie spoke:  
  
"Who the heck summoned me from my shower???" and she threw a towel away, that fell on Jade and the blonde girl he was making out with (a/n the blonde girl is Grace's prediction of Jade's prom date!). "Well, at least we needn't sight that anymore" and she sat down, glancing at everyone looking at her.  
  
"W-who are you, person dressed funny?" asked Monica, who was being dragged by Chrissie, who wouldn't let her leg go free.  
  
Sara sighed "Gee. I think your first wish shall be glasses…anyway the heck is with the stupid mist?" she said madly, shaking away the magical mist away "ok who summoned me?"  
  
"Um he's gone but can we ask for one?" asked Hermione uncertainly  
  
"Sure whatever, just get this over with, I have a dentist appointment at 5:00 and I need to get pretty"  
  
"Pretty? Um for what?" asked Chrissie, poking out from behind Monica  
  
"Well, he is a hot dentist!" she said as if no one had ever done that before "so? C'mon tell me the wish!" and she swayed her magical wand that gave a fetid smell of daisies and Chinese food.  
  
"Ew what is that smell?!" squeaked Jade from under the towel  
  
"I tried to camouflage the odor of Chinese food with the new cologne "Eau the Toilette Omelette" but I don't think it's promising…" and she hid her wand behind her.  
  
"Well, since I saw the Movie "Alice in Wonderland" I always wondered how it really is to feel everything upside down…" and Katy paused to think, then gave up and took out a cheese cracker and ate it.  
  
"Fine, if that's what you desire, okay…" and she swayed her wand and twirled it around like a mad woman with a sudden nervous tic attack.  
  
"O wild magic of thee  
  
Swirl your magic from me  
  
And take these flunkers to Upside down land  
  
And make their ear hair grow at hand!"  
  
  
  
Harry stood up and rubbed his head…so did everyone else. They had been transported to Upside down land, and it was really freaky. Katy had been talking about upside down things, not weird things! So far they were in front of a waterfall…in a desert. Fish were flying out of the lake, and Kangaroos were slithering. Butterflies were swimming, and flies had huge tongues hanging out of their miniature mouths. It was raining water from the sun, and the clouds were shining brightly. Birds were jumping, and horses were gnawing shoes.  
  
"Okay…this is not my wish!" exclaimed Katy, ducking a flying whale  
  
"Um this is actually cool!" said Chrissie, as she picked a cheese puff from a tree and ate it "mmm tastes like berries!" and she patted a kangaroo who had curled around her legs.  
  
Suddenly, Sara appeared, followed by Jason, who apparently was panting.  
  
"I-I'm scared!! Cho won't leave me alone and Tommy's Network is stalking me with cheesecakes, and they can't stop saying "Just in case for a crunchy taste!" I'm scared!" (a/n familiar, Grace?) whispered Jason, throwing himself upon Grace and Monica.  
  
"Ugh, Jason grow up!" said Grace, tossing him over to Monica, who jerked away, letting Jason fall over Ron, and they both fell.  
  
"well, there is a little problem with this land…two princes, who supposedly were to succeed in the throne-"  
  
"Two at the same time?" asked Tyler in utter amazement  
  
"Ugh don't interrupt me!" and Sara threw Tyler a toad with mold, but hit Jade instead  
  
"Like I was saying, got kidnapped by an evil crab named Hinky Slurpy the 567th. So, he has closed the gates to your funny world, named earth, and unless we destroy Hinky Slurpy the 567th, and rescue the two princes, we won't get out, not even with my magic." And Sara sat down, and started sewing a salmon to a mirror.  
  
"Wow, wow, I got to rescue princes? Couldn't they have been hot girls in bikinis?" demanded Jade, tapping his foot on a bubble rock.  
  
"AHEM, excuse you, "Beautiful Swan", a.k.a. Jade, but you ain't the only one here" said Hermione, and everyone nodded.  
  
Jade sighed and went to look at his reflection on the riverbank, where he observed swimming cats.  
  
Tyler scooted over to Monica and, getting near her ear he said "HIYA!!", to which Monica answered by hitting him over the head with his katana. Just then, a rumble of bubble rocks could be heard, distantly, and from the horizon they saw how giant Kiss candy shaped cars were coming towards them, one of the big ones carrying what looked like Hinky Slurpy the 567th. His guards, walking cubes, open fire at them. 


	8. Chapter 8: Hinky Slurpy is slurpy

(a/n thanks to Jason for giving me the idea of making him a local hero!! *hint* and to madrelina the weird for giving me tips!)  
  
Chapter 8: Hinky Slurpy is very slurpy  
  
Harry screamed like a little girl and went to hide under a miniature rock. Ron stood paralyzed behind Hermione, while she was on her knees, praying to Martha Stewarts. One of the walking cubes fired at Jade and hit him, making him turn into a cheddar cheese puff. Chrissie ducked to eat him, but Monica grabbed Jade, and put him inside her pocket saying "um no. Deserves him well for thinking about girls in bikinis instead of saving the princes", to which Chrissie hissed at her.  
  
Hinky the Slurpy's carriage stopped in front of a crouching Kat, and, stepping down, he spoke in a rather muffled voice that sounded like a cat hissing and nails being passed over a blackboard.  
  
"Hippy lippy yo, who shall you all be?" and he shook his long green sheet of greasy green hair. Sara stepped in front of Kat, and said "Er, we are…um…people…who got lost in this, er, beautiful land of yours" and Tyler winced. Monica poked him, and he quieted down.  
  
"Why do you, evil Hinky the Slurpy the 567th have taken the 2 princes prisoners?" said Monica, stepping in front of Sara, who was drinking a slurpy.  
  
"Hippy lippy yo, I have not…well maybe I have, but I was bored geez, and they were always sitting there in their thrones, and I thought 'hippy lippy yo, what shall I do to make this special?' and decided to kidnap them." Said the crab, as he settled down back in his carriage.  
  
"Well, why don't you set them free and tell them to make their rule snappy?" offered Grace, who was tucking her shirt.  
  
"Alas you're both so wise, but hippy lippy yo, I don't think so. Say, we are in need of 6 girls like you" and he pointed at Chrissie, Katy, Kat, Grace, Hermione, and Monica "to be my son's ladies-in-waiting, just because he wants to be seen with girls, since all of them in our village are bloody ugly!" said Hinky the Slurpy the 567th. He snapped his fingers, and four walking cubes came and took the girls prisoners, while the guys just stood there, drooling over the Kiss shaped carriages, not noticing that Jason was missing and that the girls were being driven away. Sara said "stop" and she tried to kick them like in the Matrix, but a walking cube poured honey all over her while she was in the air, and she was stuck to the air.  
  
  
  
"Oh great, we're in the royal jail" winced Hermione, as she sat down on a comfortable puff. The jail wasn't so bad…they had air conditioning and heater, TV, music, and food surrounding them. "I feel just so bad" said Kat sarcastically as she grabbed a banana (a/n it wasn't the banana Chrissie is thinking!!!).  
  
  
  
"Damn it we've lost the girls!" said Tyler, as he sat down on a flying whale, who was fast asleep. "How are we gonna get them back? We don't even know where the stupid castle is!" cried Ron. "Hush Ron, I'm sure we can fix it…you can, cause my dental appointment is in about 6 minutes, and I'm off!" said Sara, and she vanished after a curtain of misty shoes.  
  
"Oh great, now we're alone" cried Harry, who was picking his nose.  
  
"Well, I guess this is the time when I'm supposed to take action with my katana" and he patted his katana " but I don't know how to use it and I'm too short." Said Tyler.  
  
Just then, a figure swapped over them, and hanged on a tree. When Harry got up for a closer look, Spiderman (a/n can you guess who it is, Jason?) showed his face, as he was hanging upside down like in the movie commercial.  
  
"Hi" he said as Harry jumped back, scared and coiled around Ron, who was watching Spiderman attentively. "I heard the bunch of girls you guys were with have been kidnapped; am I of any help to you guys?" offered Spiderman, as he stepped down from the carrot tree. Spiderman was broad-shouldered, with bulging biceps, but he was yet light and speedy thus flexible. Somehow the manner of his speaking was familiar to all of them except they were so dumbstruck they didn't think they actually knew him.  
  
"Roar" said Harry, as he watched Spiderman seat down on a bubble rock.  
  
"Tell us, Spiderman, did you really get involved with that brunette girl, what's-her-name?" asked Ron, obviously envious.  
  
"Um, well in the movie, but in real life, I still haven't found Mrs. Dream- girl and I'm through with Peachy, I mean with my ex" replied Spiderman, his "eyes" watching them.  
  
"Oh I see not" said Ron, and his heart gave a happy leap.  
  
"So, guys we need to get going and find the girls, don't we?" asked Spiderman, getting up  
  
"Yeah sure why not, but it is much quieter now" said Tyler  
  
When Spiderman was going to answer, there was a great sound, and as they turned around, they saw whales jumping up and down, falling on anything that was on their way.  
  
"Uh-oh mating season, we better get outta here before one of those whales falls on us" said Spiderman, as he threw one of those spider web thingies from his arm, and flew away.  
  
Tyler and Ron and Harry started running the way Spiderman had gone.  
  
  
  
The two captive princes were brought to the girls' cell. Katy's mouth hanged open, for she was in love with one of them. Eric, the younger, was tall, with brown hair, and brown eyes, and Tobey, tall with light brown hair and blue eyes, was the oldest. Katy's eyes were oozing the same way Eric was and she finally leaped on him and tried to hug him.  
  
"ARGH!" screamed Eric, as he tried to free himself. Tobey just stared down at his shoes and sighed sadly. "Damn it I wish my mother hadn't died and my father hadn't gone out to fish and never come back. If father was still here…nothing much would've happened, but if mother was here she'd have smacked that Hinky Slurpy already!" exclaimed Tobey, smiling at the very thought.  
  
"There is still one chance we will be rescued" said Kat, as she sat down next to Tobey "the guys are still out there, and, miraculously, they will save us…or so I hope." These last words she prayed and whispered to herself.  
  
Eric was hiding behind Hermione, because Katy was almost drooling over him (a/n not in real life ok guys??!! Sorry if I made you unhappy, the world isn't perfect and I ain't no exception.). Katy just wanted to hug him forever and marry him so she could live happily ever after…Eric just wanted to get out of her reach and run away in his future-to-be Bugatti, at the maximum speed of 405 km/hr, with its 18 cylinder motor, and price of seventeen thousand million bucks. He said this out loud and everyone stared at him in plain silence. He flushed and started eating an orange.  
  
"Well if we just stay here crossed-armed, nothing will happen, cause knowing the guys, they will be looking for a portal to go back to earth. They probably forgot who we are already!" cried Monica, and she felt a bump in her pocket, and taking a peek, she took out a lump of cheddar cheese puff. "Oh dear, we forgot we're alone with Jade! Pity us, Martha Stewarts!" cried she, as she tossed Jade the cheese puff on the floor. Suddenly, Jade the cheese puff started jumping like one of those crazy beans, and there he was, in person, curling on the floor. Eric gave a blood-curling scream, and he said "JADE!!! Yo sup bro?" and he patted his back strongly, which made Katy drool even more.  
  
"Uh? Me? Bro? Yo? Wha? Oh damn Eric, dude, wasup?" said Jade, getting up and laughing  
  
"I'm fine man! I see you haven't stopped being in girls' pockets uh? And he winked and laughed.  
  
Monica hit them both over the heads with grapefruit, and they both quieted a little bit. They retired to a lonely corner and started talking about the past, and all that blab.  
  
Monica hadn't taken her eyes off her hand, who was glowing purple.  
  
"Hey, why is my hand glowing purple?" asked she as everyone gathered around her hand.  
  
"Hey this is the sign that Spiderman is near!" exclaimed Tobey, and for the first time, Monica looked at him and she fell in love with him. It was just like Katy except he wasn't scared of her.  
  
"Well, at least he's near and might pop up and save us or something" said Grace hopefully,  
  
as Hermione went back with Jade and Eric, to try and stop Katy from attacking Eric.  
  
  
  
"Okay, now you all be quiet and let me knock those walking cubes out so we can go in" whispered Spiderman to the guys. Harry was still picking his nose, and wherever a booger fell, there grew a nose shaped flower. Tyler, Harry, and Ron stayed behind some bushes, and Spiderman flew up above the main door where two square looking walking cubes stood guarding, and then BOOM he fell on them and started beating the hell outta them. After being done, he signaled the three walking sticks to come forward, and they tried to force open the door. Finally, after trying in vane, Tyler grabbed his katana (finally) and cut the door. Then the pieces of the marshmallow door fell, and they could get through.  
  
The walked silently, excepting for some noises coming from Harry that sounded like "I lick chickens" and "roar". Finally they reached the main dungeons door, and went in. Hermione caught sight of them, and got up from her comfortable puff, and threw away her apple, and went to meet them.  
  
"Ah finally you guys have come!" and she eyed Spiderman "who the heck are you?"  
  
Monica stood up and winced in pain, for her hand was completely purple, and Tobey was trying to calm her down. Spiderman ran towards her and examined her hand. He said:  
  
"Ah yes I can quite assure I'm here" and Monica just stared at him. "What you want me to say? I am here geez" and he stood there.  
  
Suddenly, Hinky Slurpy the 567th came in running and screaming "nose shaped flower in my soup!!" and he broke through the dungeons and came to a halt.  
  
"Hippy lippy yo, why are you all here? Spiderman indeed!" and he tried to catch him but Spiderman ducked and flew out the window.  
  
"Who has provoked all these nose shaped flowers to come and be about in my soup, hippy lippy yo?!" demanded he, and Harry came forth, picking his nose.  
  
"It was me, but I don't have a tissue!!" and started croaking and wincing.  
  
"Hark! Hippy lippy yo you shall be punished and" he pointed at Monica "you too because that purple hand reminds me of my ex wife." And saying this he took off, leaving two walking cubes to come and get them.  
  
"Oh no they're taking my sister!" cried Chrissie, grabbing Tobey by the foot  
  
"Ouch don't take her away!" exclaimed Tobey, grabbing Monica by the hand but missing her.  
  
"Oh no Chrissie has gone berserk!" cried Grace, gulping a glass of lead juice "mmm good".  
  
"Oh no Grace is drinking poison!" said Kat, as she tried to grab the glass out of her reach  
  
"Oh no we're all confounded!" cried Katy, as she grabbed Eric in the confusion and kissed him  
  
"This is fun" Ron told Jade, as they sat down and started eating fruits.  
  
A walking cube came in and told them "the execution of the girl and the boy will take place tomorrow, first thing in the morning, and you shall all be there". 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: What's next besides getting trapped inside an abstract painting?  
  
(a/n thanks Grace)  
  
Chrissie was the one who had screamed hardest and loudest. Tobey's foot was still in her clutches, and there was more chaos than oxygen in that cell.  
  
"OKAY HUSH CHILDREN!!" yelled Kat, after grabbing the lead juice Grace was drinking ands throwing it to Katy, whose mouth was so tight to Eric's he couldn't breathe and was turning a shade darker than Monica's hand.  
  
Everyone stopped as fast as they started. Except Ron was sucking his thumb and was curled next to Grace, who was rocking him, with a disgusted look.  
  
"Okay, with yells and chaos we won't be able to do anything!"  
  
"Neither will we, because we are here" as Hermione pointed to the floor "and they're who know where!" and she started pulling her hair.  
  
Katy, who had been pulled away from Eric, was winking and liking her lips happily fulfilled but desiring more, while Eric was hiding behind Tobey, who was hiding behind Ron, who was hiding behind Grace, who was sitting next to Kat, who was standing near Jade, who was standing next to the door, in front of Tyler.  
  
"Well, I guess we could think of something while we fall asleep, or just wait 'til morning" suggested Grace, while sitting comfortably on a gigantic puff, who swallowed her whole. While she kicked and jerked, everyone agreed and went to sleep.  
  
  
  
"Harry, calm down, we shall, er, be saved by, um, pure luck" said Monica soothingly to Harry, who was shivering of fear, but still picking his nose. She slapped his hand and he stopped.  
  
"Maybe oranges that speak German, Japanese and French will save us!" cheered Harry, and Monica decided to leave him to believe it. "I just hope that pure luck comes to us!" she thought and fell asleep.  
  
  
  
The plaza was full of viewers who were blabbing. There was a big stage, with an axe that could chop two necks at once, leaning comfortably on gallows, where our friends' necks would soon be resting. Chrissie, Grace, Hermione, Jade, Tyler, Ron, Kat, Katy, Tobey and Eric were all in front row, sitting comfortably but nervously on pink fluffy puffs, with godiva chocolates sitting next to each of them. Suddenly, Hinky the Slurpy the 567th came and sat down, on a golden throne next to all our friends.  
  
He signaled, and out of a dark passage that lead to the dungeons, came three walking cubes, guarding Monica and Harry, who looked fast awake and extremely shivery and nervous. The both had pale faces and dark shadows under their eyes. If it wasn't for their near-by deaths, they would have been judged dead by their appearance!  
  
Hinky signaled the walking cubes to bring the prisoners up to the stage, and place them on the gallows. Harry screamed and sobbed, while Monica just looked down with that hand normalized.  
  
A gruff looking walking cube came up and dragged Monica and Harry up the stage and leaned their necks on the gallows, while Harry screamed and kicked, and Monica prayed to Eminem silently. Hinky the Slurpy raised his heavy bum, and turned to face the people. He raised a fat hand and they all stopped talking.  
  
"People of Upside Down land! I give you these two midgets' deaths to see, for they, er, um, I…was bored, so yeah, and anyway, here they are! Monica Miras, who had a huge purple hand, that meant something but now I forgot, and Harry Potter, who, by picking his icky nosie, made nose shaped flowers grow along the path!"  
  
He sat down, and raised another fat hand (a.k.a. Pincer) and then the executioner came up. He was wearing a bloody wedding dress that had been ripped and had been sewed together to a punk concert shirt. He had orange hair, and eyes that were white and looked dead and cold. Harry quieted and looked upon the executioner and sweated.  
  
"Monica, I think the demon child has finally come to eat my liver" said he to her.  
  
"Shut up Harry, we're gonna die the least you could do is be normal!" squeaked she to he. "Sorry, but I DON'T WANN DIE!!!" screamed he.  
  
The executioner came closer and put a black velvet cloth over their heads so they could see nothing. Our friends sitting down in front row squeaked and shivered at the sight. They could have done something except they were tied to their puffs with centipede ropes. The executioner took his place, picked up the axe, and was getting ready to cut their necks off. Up the axe went….down-way….Monica felt something grabbing her pretty hard by her waist, and then she felt as if she was flying, as she heard Harry squeaking beside her.  
  
  
  
Hinky the Slurpy stood up outraged, and ordered the prisoners to be sent inside to their cell immediately. No one had ever saved his victims in his 10-day reign, and he didn't like the feeling of being embarrassed. He looked up the sky and saw no trace of the savior and the saved ones, and he sniffed the air and whispered "I smell spiders."  
  
  
  
Monica found herself struggling to get the black cloth off her face, and when she finally did, she looked down and saw that she, Harry, and someone else (their savior) were jumping or flying off and on the building and nearby posts. The she looked up and saw that Spiderman was clutching her and Harry to his sides while he was flying and jumping by like mad. They finally stopped at the top of a sugarbritchy-castle that was upside down. He put them down carefully, and helped Harry take his cloth off, while he stopped kicking.  
  
"Y-you are Spiderman?? You saved us? Me? Him?… wow this is surprising!" exclaimed Monica as she shaked her head and green snow flew everywhere, even though it was spring.  
  
"Well, yeah I mean I had to save you….I know you both, and so I had to" Spiderman explained, as Harry cuddled up on his half sister's right side, and sucked his thumb. Spiderman caught a flying pencil with orange eyes, and threw it at Harry, who squealed and wailed. Spiderman laughed.  
  
"Well, I suppose that wanna-be king Slurpy will do something strange to get you both back so I advice we hurry up and find somewhere to hide you guys" said Spiderman as he got up. "What about the others?" asked Harry, now watching Spiderman closely with an interested look on his plain face. His glasses fell down to his nose as he did this.  
  
"I guess I will get them tomorrow, with your help, if you insist. It shall be sort of dangerous…I've done this bizitrillions of times, but you haven't" and he swelled like a balloon with pride.  
  
"Sure, but where will we hide?" and suddenly, as Monica asked this, there was great thunder noises and then thousands of stars and pieces of mozzarella cheese started raining, and Spiderman grabbed them and flew away.  
  
Hinky the Slurpy's orders were done properly, and he looked out his "rain" safe castle, and grinned maliciously. "Well, this shall scare Potter and the rest of them" and he smiled to himself at a mirror nearby that broke and smoked green gases as he broke. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: The escape from Upside Down land  
  
  
  
Spiderman had let them down at the entrance of some house. He hadn't explained anything, and Monica and Harry were in total confusion. The only thing left to do, besides hiding from the scary-looking homophobian frogs with purple hair sprouting from their nostrils, was to get inside the strange looking house.  
  
"C'mon Harry, let's go in, I don't like those freak frogs" said Monica as she tugged his shirt sleeve, and pulled him aside.  
  
"Those frogs are weird! Roar! Great cheese comes from happy cows; happy cows come from California" said Harry stupidly as he followed her in.  
  
They forced open the door, as Harry murmured "Chevy; like a rock" numbly. They stepped inside to a grubby looking lobby, with no furniture, alike the whole house. They stepped inside and looked everywhere for some human sign, but found nothing. By now Harry was exclaiming like crazy "WHERE'S THE CREAM FILLING??", and it was driving Monica berserk.  
  
Finally they reached the main living room upstairs, after walking through a maze-like house. In that room, there was a lonely looking painting; an abstract painting. It had wild lines of purplish colour and black and white. Then, at a corner there was a single blind-yellow circle drawn there. Harry went towards it and stared. He said "Bet you can't eat just one", and finally Monica got out some tape and taped his mouth shut.  
  
Monica looked at the painting too, and then a swirl of colours wrapped them and she heard some screams and then nothingness.  
  
  
  
The gang of clowns was inside their cell yet again, all wondering where Spiderman had taken Monica and Harry. Finally Tobey said "well, I just hope she hasn't fallen in love with him!" as he tried not to picture it.  
  
"Well, at least their necks are where they are supposed to be! That's a start!" said Kat, happily, as she sat down and started making faces to Tyler, who was making faces back.  
  
"Well, if I hadn't been tied down, I would've done the same thing, except I would have stopped for some photo shoots" said Jade, as he shook his hair. Hermione and Chrissie looked at each other while they pitied his stupidity, and Katy was talking normally to Eric, who looked less scared than before, and actually spoke back.  
  
"Well, I would've liked to be saved by Spiderman so I could meet all those girls that hang around him like cheese spiders" said Ron, looking envious once again, and he sucked his thumb.  
  
"Agh shut up Ron, you evil midget!" cried Grace, and she slapped Ron on his head, leaving a red mark on it. Ron kept on snoozing away.  
  
Suddenly, and unexpectedly, Chrissie stood up and raised a closed hand in the air and said proudly "Friends, we have to do something to help those out there in great need! We have the power! Ladies, we're women, we're powerful, we're invincible, hear us roar" and she jerked her head to a side and said "ñeck!". She continued "and boys, you're drool-able and stupid, but sometimes you can be strong, and miraculously, smart! Let's unite our forces and fight against unfairness!!" and she put her hand down, and looked down. Then Hermione asked uncertainly "Chrissie, dear, are you feeling okay?" and Chrissie answered "I've been saving that speech since I was 5, but answering your question, no" and she sat down.  
  
A walking cube came in and told them that they were to be taken out to be shot at, like hanging hams from ceilings. They all freaked out, but they followed him out shivering.  
  
Hinky the Slurpy the 567th was standing on a platform, and he was ready to give another stupid speech.  
  
"People of the Upside down land! Now that foul scubbus of Spiderman is somewhere else taking care of those two midgets, so he shall not be able to save these" and he pointed at our friends "things with pneumonia, so I am making them perish like hams hanging from the ceiling!" and he awaited the laughs from the viewers; but they didn't get the joke.  
  
"Er, ahem, well, here they are!" and he signaled the walking cubes to put them in ready position, while some strange looking creatures (c.d. cases dressed as camels with dust guns) got ready to fire at them.  
  
"Man, now is when we need Spiderman!!" cried Jade, shivering and almost crying  
  
"Didn't you say you'd saves us? Now you're not tied, go on save us!" mocked Tyler, also shivering.  
  
The c.d. cases took up their guns, and our friends were turned around. Suddenly, there was a misty curtain of shoes, and Sara the Genie appeared, hugging something at her side. She jerked Eminem towards Hinky the Slurpy and she did some magic that covered our friends in purple syrup. The c.d. cases were dumbstruck and Hinky the Slurpy was just amazed. Eminem stood up, shook himself and looked around.  
  
"Now where the f___ am I? I don't give a s____ to who you all are but why the h___ am I here?" and he looked around some more.  
  
"Hi Em' dear, remember how my dentist was your dentist as well, and I asked him if I could borrow you for a sec? Well, can you like beat the hell outta this stupid crab while I save my friends?" Sara asked hopefully.  
  
"Um, sure why the heck not, but I'ma gonna sing my new song cause I don't give a s____ if none of yo all hate me or not; my songs are cool, and I hope yo all listen to 'em, cause I said so, yo" and he jumped wildly on Hinky and started beating the hell outta him.  
  
  
  
Spiderman came back to the house, and had a wild feeling that Harry and Monica had found the abstract painting. So he wildly went upstairs and reached the painting in a sec. He stared at it, and thought. Then, he hear a calling; he listened sharply, and he hear it again. He got closer and he made out the words: "can you say Ross Swiss without smiling?". He thought "who would be stupid enough to say that instead of help?". Then he heard another call; a different, more normal, clear, and sensible one: "Help us, we're trapped!!" It had to be Monica.  
  
He called back "how do I get in?" and awaited for an answer.  
  
"Get closer and look at the yellow sphere!" faintly answered Monica. Spiderman got closer and concentrated on the yellow sphere. Swirls of colours wrapped around him, and he heard Harry say "It's gotta be the haircut" and then someone grabbed his arm and he fell on the floor. Monica was crouching next to him, and Harry had attached himself to his leg, and was whispering in Taliban madly.  
  
He got up, difficulty for Harry was attached to him, and Monica, realizing this, detached Harry from him, and he curled up on her arms. Spiderman said  
  
"wow, wow where exactly are we? I don't remember fighting any abstract painting before and I have no experience, so…yeah." And he crossed his strong arms.  
  
"Now, where I the world do you know us from?" Monica asked giving Spiderman a testing look.  
  
"Er, from….no-where, um, I was just passing by, you know…" and he looked around.  
  
"Hi Jason" she said, and smiled  
  
Spiderman, I mean Jason, looked at her, and hesitated, not knowing what to say.  
  
"It's okay, I ain't gonna tell no one, you know? It's pretty cool you're Spiderman! I knew that you were an Asian hero, but this is major heroism!" and she grinned.  
  
"O" he said. "Well…yeah, um, well how do we get out of here?" he asked, politely puzzled.  
  
"Well…lemme see" and she took out her wand. "Um…no one taught us how to get out of abstract paintings before…" and she thought.  
  
Suddenly Harry woke up and said wildly "I know, I know!! To get out you need to pick the right line from the right to bottom, and tickle it, while you sway it about, and then put it back on the left bottom line of the left right corner of the top left hand!!" and he fell asleep again.  
  
Monica and Spiderman looked at each other in pure amazement. They hadn't got anything from the message, so they shook Harry about 'til he did it himself. Then he wailed and fell asleep on Monica's arms. The swirl of colours wrapped them again, and they found themselves sitting on the living room floor.  
  
"We better get on to find your friends, and get out of here before we get caught again!" and Spiderman jerked Monica and Harry, and took off.  
  
  
  
"…So the SCC won't let me be, or let me be me, so let me see, they plan on shuttin' me down on MTV but it feels so empty without me…!" Eminem sang while he punched Hinky on his left eye and he wailed. Our friends were still gluey from the purple syrup, but they could see Spiderman flying towards them, with Monica and Harry safely next to them.  
  
When he landed next to them, Tobey jumped to get Monica, while everyone went fast towards them and hugged them.  
  
Eminem stopped beating Hinky, who looked dead, and he tossed him about. He stood up, shook himself, and went towards Spiderman.  
  
"Man, you're da man! I loved your movie! that was a tight movie! I don't give no s___ to those who said it was "too computerized" man, I thought it was the best f____ movie ever" and he hugged Spiderman. Spiderman looked totally confused, but thanked him anyhow.  
  
Eric and Tobey and seized Hinky the Slurpy and they were holding him about. They said:  
  
"Well, we don't know how to thank you for your help, now we can rule this land without this thing walking about! Katy, will you live with me when you're out of Hogwarts?" asked Eric, to Katy, who look as if she was about to faint.  
  
"Damn it, I will get outta there!! I'm sooooo living with ya hon!" and she jumped on his arms.  
  
"Monica, I can't let you go away, but you probably will want to get to Hogwarts, so I decided to enroll myself there, and be with you!" Tobey said, and Monica jumped on his arms, but she jerked away and then went and hugged Eminem.  
  
"OMIGOSH I LOVE YOU WILL YOU SING MY BELLY??" she screamed  
  
"Yeah whatever" and he signed a piece of paper, since he didn't sing bellies.  
  
"THANK YOU SO MUCH MR. MATHERS!!! I MEAN EMINEM!!!" and then she jumped on Tobey's arms.  
  
"Well, we better be off now" said Hermione talking to Sara  
  
"Ow this was fun!" said Chrissie, and she added "roar"  
  
"Power to the Mozambequion Mafia!" cheered Tyler and Ron together, as Jade sighed.  
  
"Sara, do your thing" Katy told Sara, as she hugged Eric and bade everyone goodbye.  
  
"Katy, I'm so gonna miss you!" Kat told her almost in tears, and then everyone hugged her.  
  
Jade looked at Eminem, and Eminem hit him over the head with his microphone, and Jade squeaked.  
  
"This is what a f___ family should be like'a, not like my f___ family. Man I miss Hailei, Sara do your thang now or I'm gonna be f____ mad!" ordered Eminem.  
  
Everyone stopped hugging Katy and Eric, and stepped around Sara. She waved her smelly wand, and then, they all disappeared behind a curtain of misty shoes. 


	11. Chapter 11- Return to Hogwarts?

"Today is Lovely White's day. Your my best friend, Lovely White. On Opening, I was surprised that the box is full of happy. Good Luck everyone"- Grace's new motto gotten from my bad-translated Japanese stationary.  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 11: Return to Hogwarts?  
  
  
  
They were all scattered about on the ground. Yes, they were in Hogwarts, specifically in the Great Hall, but it couldn't look less like Hogwarts.  
  
Eminem had been sent to his house or wherever he lived, accompanied by Spiderman. That was one thing to check off the list of troubles. For starters, the tables had been partly burned and the windows were broken; what was left of the windows was on the floor. The rags that used to be curtains were also about the ground. The great oak doors that withstood blocking the entrance had been harmed as well: one was half missing, the other was not even there at all.  
  
"Um, what happened in here? I have a funny feeling about this…" said Chrissie  
  
"…Do the DEW..." screamed harry at her ear and she jumped forward, hitting Tyler, who hit Jade, who hit Monica, who slapped him.  
  
"Oh…sorry Jade" said she  
  
"Mmmm" said Jade.  
  
They watchfully walked around, 'til they reached the main entrance; their mouths dropped and Hermione silently let out a bloodcurdling scream.  
  
Dementors were turning some Hafflepuff students into cows, and some Gryffindor students into paper balls. The Slytherins, however, were at a corner, sitting comfortably, talking to LORD VOLDEMORT. They were drinking tea, sitting on chairs brought from some of the common rooms. Lord Voldemort was wearing a long black cape, that covered himself from head to toe, but there was no mistaking him, for Harry curled about and yelled in pain, clutching his forehead.  
  
Monica Held him, and she and Chrissie looked up at Lord Voldemort, their half brother. Monica held her breath and hesitated; then spoke.  
  
"Chrissie, we are going to have to tell him before he zaps us all off like cats in microwaves…he ought to know that we're family! Even Harry is his family!"  
  
"True" said Chrissie, shivering "but he would still wanna kill Harry." And she kneeled down so that the three brothers were together, closely.  
  
A pair of Dementors came floating by them, and they suddenly felt sad, and empty. One of them pushed them towards Lord Voldemort, and they all followed reluctantly. Lord Voldemort incorporated himself, and sent the Slytherins off, except Malfoy, Crabb, and Goyle. When Monica saw Malfoy, she jumped on him and started pulling his hair. Tobey grabbed her and brought her back to his side.  
  
Lord Voldemort spoke: "Ah finally, I get to be here, in the old school, and I have the pleasure to find Harry Potter…now I can finally kill you in a place that suits you, am I wrong?" and he laughed cruelly and coldly. Just then Chrissie jumped on Voldemort's lap and she hugged him. Lord Voldemort looked at her, and was about to get out his wand to zap her, when Monica did the same thing.  
  
"AW BROTHER!!! WE MISSED YOU SO!" yelled Chrissie, curling on his lap and hugging him tighter.  
  
"Hey Tom, how come you never visited us on Christmas? I had the presents ready!!" demanded Monica as she kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"Stop this nonsense! What rubbish are you filthy girls talking about??!" yelled Lord Voldemort  
  
"Well, we do have a secret that you ought to know, Tom dear…" said Monica as she stood up and pulled Chrissie with her.  
  
"Yes, but it is a happy secret! Oh wait you don't like happy secrets…sorry brother" she said as she took out a piece of cheese and ate it.  
  
Monica stretched, and put a serious face that scared Ron, who jumped behind Kat, and hid behind Tyler.  
  
"Well, it all started with out naughty parents, both Harry's mum, our mum, and your dad, our dad. They got together, and had us; we're Siamese twin sisters. I was born a month before, but it was all cool" Monica said proudly.  
  
"Yes, and what's best is that you're our half brother, and we're your half sisters, so us together share the same powers as you have!! Isn't that just cool?" Chrissie said, jumping up and down.  
  
Tom Marvolo Riddle eyed them quizzically, and thought for a moment, while Tyler made faces to Chrissie, and she gave them back. Jade picked his nose, Kat curled her hair with her finger, Ron was looking through his pants (a/n his POCKETS not whatever you're thinking), and Tobey and Monica were flirting.  
  
After a long wait of 3 minutes, Tom stood up, and talked slowly and clearly:  
  
"Well, I can't deny that my father was a **** but I shall say that I will not be seen with girls like you. Hence, I'm sure the powers you "posses" are nothing more than tiny sparks of love or something. Thus, I shall not be fooled by such girls like you." And he sat back and drank deeply from his cup of tea.  
  
Chrissie got mad at being insulted, Harry was utterly amazed he was still alive, and Monica's face was about to explode. Chrissie and Monica united their hands up in the air, closed their eyes, and suddenly Lord Voldemort was turned into a grasshopper. It hopped away and got lost in the camouflage of the grass and weeds. Dementors shrank back and stood there, transfixed, like everybody else.  
  
All the kids that had been transformed into something came back to their usual state, and the Slytherins started to whisper madly. Monica and Chrissie, grabbed Harry and pulled him up; he just glared at his half sisters. They had been ever so powerful and never said a word about it.  
  
"well….I-I never thought…I….wow!" said Hermione, as Ron's mouth hanged open. Kat, Tyler, Jade, and Tobey started talking at once and there was confusion. Then:  
  
"OK QUIET!" Chrissie stood up from the crowd and silenced them. "Fallow me inside all of you! If you're Hogwart's students please go back inside to your common rooms and your prefects shall take you back to normality! If you're with us, please gather around!" and Chrissie and Monica moved away from the chattering crowd.  
  
"Ok, here's the deal; we found out our power just days ago. We thought we might've had powers before, hence we were right, but we never ever imagined that they could be at same height as Tom. Now that we have found out, we're pretty much as powerful as Lord Voldemort; no matter how many new spells he learns, we get them too. Somehow we're connected to his knowledge. But we can't get inside his mind, so don't try to ask us what he plans." Finished Monica sharply.  
  
Everyone nodded and then asked some more. Chrissie and Monica answered their questions as best as they could, even though Harry's (how come I can't eat the moon if it's cheese?) question was out of the point. After Harry's second pointless question (why do girls and boys have different things….?"), they went inside and sat in the common room.  
  
  
  
Spiderman, I mean Jason, I mean Spiderman came to Hogwarts in the dead of the night; he went straight to Monica, Chrissie, Grace, and Kat's room, and broke in. Of course, Kat screamed, Grace hid behind the four- poster bed, Chrissie grabbed Monica, and Monica went towards Spiderman (not knowing it was him) with a baseball bat. She tried to hit him, but Spiderman grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to the ceiling, and put her upside down, just like he was, in front of him.  
  
"Hello, were you planning on use the bat on me?" asked Spiderman, supposedly grinning.  
  
"Oh…OOOHHHHH hi Jas- I mean Spiderman! I didn't know it was you! is the blood coming up my head yet?" asked Monica, smiling back.  
  
"No, not yet, although it will soon…um, I was wondering if I could spend the night here, at Hogwarts, since my mum closed all windows and doors, and I can't get in…." asked he.  
  
"Well…in this same room? I suppose you could…I don't think the girls would mind, WOULD YOU?" she called back to them. They shook their heads, meaning NO, and then she asked Spiderman-  
  
"Um, would you mind putting me down? Er, my pjs aren't great upside down!" said she and flushed  
  
"Oh…sorry" said Spiderman as he put her down.  
  
"Well" said Kat "you can sleep in Katy's empty bed, since she's somewhere with Eric….sniff sniff" and she sat on her bed and sort of wept. Chrissie sat next to her and consoled her. Monica looked at Spiderman and said-  
  
"So…do you…sleep in that? Because all of our pjs are girl's….wait I will ask Harry for an extra pair…"  
  
"No, no, not Harry...he probably sleeps in The Little Princess' pjs or something… um I rather just sleep with something from Seamus…where is his room?" asked Spiderman, taking his mask-cloth-face thingy off.  
  
"Ohh you took that cloth thingy off!!! Kirsten should be here to kiss you!! And you should be upside down! Go and get upside down, put that thing back on!!" and she ushered him to do so.  
  
Suddenly, there was a purple light, and Cinderella (from the Records of the Fairy Tale Kingdom) fell in the room. She stood up, swept the dust off her dress, and turned to Jason.  
  
"Ah, monsieur….my little Spider…I want another kiss NOW" she ordered. She came closer and took the cloth thing off his face, (like in the Spiderman movie) slowly. When her lips were an inch from his, Spiderman yelled and ran behind Monica and Grace, who had taken cameras out and took pictures.  
  
"COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW I WANT A FOURTH KISS NOW!!" and he ran away from her and she followed.  
  
Monica and Grace looked at each other, then looked at Kat, who was glaring at them. They all shrugged, and went to sleep. 


	12. Chapter 12: The magical Key and the cat ...

"I'm not gonna insult you…" "Why not??" "mmmm" "Because I'm too lazy"  
  
-Part of Jason's, Monica's, and Grace's dialog  
  
Chapter 12: The magical Key and the cat fight with WWF wrestlers  
  
Seamus was awakened by Monica and Spiderman, although he was sort of wrestling Ron, because he thought Spiderman was trying to kidnap his slippers.  
  
"Er, Seamus, will you be kind enough to lend some pjs to Spiderman here? If you don't I will make sure you get eaten by a manticore, while I watch from above a cherry tree, eating popcorn" she said, as she smiled and rubbed her knuckles.  
  
"Er, yes…indeed! Um, so how is Katy doing?" asked Seamus shyly, while he opened a drawer, and took out some linen pjs.  
  
"Oh…yeah she is fine, I guess. I mean she is married to a king…I'm only with his brother!" said Monica as she took the pjs, and turned around. "Now, you two! Stop that, or I will make sure you both get manicures AND pedicures!" she warned Spiderman and Ron. Ron bolted up to her and said "will I really get a manicure??"  
  
"No, you sushi head I was just trying to take Jas- I mean Spiderman away…now come!" and she grabbed Spiderman (aka Jason aka Spiderman aka Jason…) by his wrist and snatched him out of the room.  
  
"Now, I'm so happy you locked Cinderella in that boy's room…what was his name, Malfoy?" asked Spiderman, catching up with Monica. She nodded and rolled her eyes. She also grunted.  
  
Suddenly, Harry jumped from behind them, and threw them aside; Harry closed a door, and late, Monica recognized it was the portrait of the Fat Lady. She grunted even louder.  
  
"D*** it!!! Now what? She isn't here!" and she aimed to kick the portrait, but she kicked the wall and whimpered. Spiderman caught her by the ankle and held her upside down. She folded her arms and asked-  
  
"Why do you keep on doing that?"  
  
"I don't know it's fun though…So now how do we get in?" Spiderman asked, shaking her by the ankle.  
  
"Well….for one, get me down!! Then, I will have to think about something…" and Spiderman let go of her and she fell down, with an OUCH!  
  
  
  
"Now, where are those two?" asked Chrissie, peeking out the door, and whimpering. Grace and Kat quickly looked her way, but she just giggled and whispered "Keanu…" and went back in. Grace sighed and said "well, let's go down and look for them…maybe they got lost, or maybe-"  
  
"OR maybe, Cinderella found her way back, and kidnapped Spiderman and Malfoy kidnapped Monica and Keanu came and thought it was me, but grabbing Monica, and realizing that she was just my sister, let go of her and is looking for me right now!!!" Chrissie finished breathlessly. She sat down again, and went to sleep.  
  
Kat and Grace shook their heads, and thought that she was on too much butterbeer… Then they ventured out.  
  
  
  
Tyler crept out, peered to check if anyone was in sight, and then hurried out the room, to the Gryffindor common room. He opened the portrait and crept outside. The back of his head's hairs prickled, and a chill was zooming up his spine. He heard something; he crouched in the darkness and listened sharply. He felt something jump on him, and he was face to face with Spiderman.  
  
"HEY! Let go!! It's me Tyler!" cried Tyler as he sort of tried to go free.  
  
"Oh…sorry Tyler…can't be too careful…Monica told me the story of Sponge-Bob Square pants and now I'm scared!!" and he let go of him, and grabbed Tyler's collar and raised him up like a loaf of bread.  
  
"Now what's all this fuss?" came Monica and asked "oh hi Tyler…What ya doing here so late?"  
  
"Same goes for you" and he tried to raise his right eyebrow, but couldn't.  
  
"Well we got here cause Harry tossed us out…can't figure out why but he did, and the Fat Lady has gone on a night time stroll… so we're stuck…with you" and she fainted…then stood up.  
  
"Oh…well it is a pleasure to be with you too" he retorted, and he went to open the nearest door, which turned out to be a closet, with Peeves inside. Buckets and mops fell on Tyler, as he wailed, and, astonishingly, Peeves hurried next to him, and started putting all the mops and buckets back at their rightful places-  
  
"So sorry, little boy! Can't be too careful around here since that girl, Cinders or Fringes, whatever her name is appeared! She's been following all the boys around, and miraculously, me!" and he helped Tyler up even though he was a ghost and couldn't really help him up.  
  
"Did you say, that Cinderella is following every boy around? Well, that's unique…. So like her!" replied Monica, laughing maliciously. Tyler and Spiderman looked at her funny, to which she replied by scratching her ear.  
  
Suddenly, they hear a sound alike the wind when is blowing like mad, chills were shooting up their spines, and Spiderman hanged onto Monica's arm, while she was hanging on for dear life by a door. Tyler hinged to Spiderman's foot, and suddenly, a clear white light flashed, and they were sucked by a black hole to who knows where.  
  
  
  
RING went the bell, and The Rock and Chris Jericho jumped on themselves like wild canaries.  
  
Spiderman, Monica, and Tyler shook their heads, and looked around; they were in the perfect middle of the WWF ring, and The Rock and Chris Jericho were staring at them with the utmost curiosity they could show. Tyler stood up and screeched "THE ROCK!!!" and went zooming towards him, and grabbed his left leg. The Rock looked at the little imp that was hanging from his leg, and looked at Chris Jericho. He advanced on him, and they both grabbed Tyler, sending him 50 ft away from the ring.  
  
"I'm...*choke* okay!" and Tyler fainted.  
  
Monica and Spiderman looked at each other, and then The Rock went towards Spiderman and examined him; Jericho went and did the same thing. Then, Jericho said:  
  
"Wow, this is the first super hero that you (to the Rock) can't call Monkey ass or candy ass, Rock!" and he patted Spiderman's head. Spiderman looked imploringly at Monica, who, in return shrugged.  
  
"Um, excuse me, misters The Rock and Chris Jericho, besides telling you that I LOVE YOU, um, do you happen to know why we shall be here?" and she put puppy eyes and an angel face. The Rock and Chris Jericho looked at her, and they said gently "No, but we're happy to have you here! Would you mind for a cup of tea?" and Jericho yelled for a chair, which one of the speakers threw. The other speaker threw Tyler back up, and Monica sighed. Tyler started dancing tango with himself, and they all went to sit down and get some tea.  
  
Suddenly, a great bubble emerged from no-where and Sponge Bob Square Pants appeared, with his silly friend, Patrick.  
  
"Hey!! Look it's Spongy bobby squary panties!" squealed The Rock as he ran to meet them. Jericho followed reluctantly and they both started jumping like little boys. Tyler went and hugged Patrick who burped bubbly, to which the Rock squeaked delightedly. Monica turned to Spiderman and said-  
  
"um, Jason how are we to get out of here? How did we get in here?!" and she rolled her eyes, because he had run to meet Bob, and was enjoying the parté. She sighed and then she looked up and saw a hanging cheese; that was utterly odd. Then, she looked better, and saw that Shoron was eating part of it. She rejoiced and called him "SHORON" and she waved a hand. Shoron looked and he let go of a ladder, so that she could climb.  
  
"Hey Shoron, what are you doing here, eating a cheese, hanging from the ceiling??" she said as she "accommodated" herself on a hole on the cheese.  
  
"Well, Selena was looking for me (A/N Selena and Shoron ARE together, but it's not like I narrate in here, it's better, ok?? Just checking I didn't offend anyone!), because I had forgotten her birthday (she was mad!) and so I decided to eat lunch up here!" and he bit a big chunk of cheese. Monica glanced down, and checked that they were still there, and not in the bubble, and replied-  
  
"Well, you shouldn't have forgotten her birthday, I would've been mad as well, except I'm always mad, so you wouldn't know the difference…anyway, my priority is to get out of here, before Spiderman decides to call himself Spider-pants or Spider-Patrick or something." And she grabbed a little piece of cheese. "By the way, what time is it?"  
  
"In here, which is USA, it's 4 p.m., and this is a late lunch I'm having right here, and I'm hungry!!" and he buried his whole face in a hole in the cheese and continued eating. Then he made his face appear again. "Oh and you got here cause the Key of Time was lost, and it's acting strange. It's been sending radio waves and transporting people everywhere…okay, maybe just you, Tyler, and Spiderman, but still…you are gonna have to get it back."  
  
"Where, and how, and why?" asked Monica, eager to get back.  
  
"Why would I know?" asked Shoron as he shoved Monica, and she fell with a yell. Spiderman caught her and he back to the parté.  
  
Suddenly, there was a pop and Sponge Bob Square Pants and Patrick turned into a shiny Golden key with bright jewels of all imaginable colours, and then the key popped out of sight. Monica flew to where the key had been, and asked "what did you do with it??" as she looked at all the guys. They all shrugged and Jericho exploded with tears, because his fave cartoons had disappeared right after he had asked them how many girlfriends they had had. Monica told Spiderman and Tyler "listen, that key is what brought us here, and to get back to Hogwarts, we need to return it to it's rightful place, so help me catch it!".  
  
They key reappeared, and shoved Tyler of his feet, and taking off with him. 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: The loopy Time Key  
  
  
  
Chrissie and Grace and Kat ventured out to the Gryffindor common room, and looked about. It was cold, and dark, and scary. Suddenly, Harry bolted from behind, and pushed them outside, and closed the portrait. Grace looked at it, and cussed. Kat growled, and Chrissie started singing "you drive me crazy".  
  
"Oh, geez, the Fat Lady is gone, and we can't get in!! I hate this! Why did Harry have to toss us out?" complained Grace out loud. Her voice echoed through the passages and hallways, and Kat shivered.  
  
"I do not know, but it's freaky in here…It's too...quiet…" and she got closer to Chrissie and hit her over the head with a guitar from Eric (A/N Hi Eric, if you ever read this). ~~~~~(The real Eric pops out and grabs the guitar away from Kat, almost kills me from borrowing it without permission, and goes away)~~~~~~.  
  
Then, Cinderella comes running like a wild rhino, and charges towards Chrissie, who runs away and they both get lost in the darkness.  
  
Grace and Kat look at each other, and go the same way as Cinderella and Chrissie did. ~~~~~~(Madrelina the Weird pops up, and cusses at me for not adding her crazy ideas in my stories…I just listen and when she's done, I toss her out)~~~~~. .  
  
  
  
Spiderman was clutching Tyler, who was clutching Monica, who was clutching Spiderman, as the swirl of colors and mist swallowed them to who knows where.  
  
Then, they found themselves sitting on a chair, on a radio station. Rick Dees came up, and stared at them; they stared back. Rick Dees screamed and ran out of the room, leaving them, rooted to the spot. Eminem came in, and, at the sight of Monica, who had previously hugged him, turned back and ran as fast as his baggy pants would let him.  
  
Then, a black hole the size of Jade's brain (microscopic) appeared and grew into a size that could swallow them. It pulled them in, and they were off again. ~~~~~( Jade, or Freddie appears and starts calling em "experiment gone wrong" for insulting his pea-sized brain…then I chase him, and he runs away, leaving me sitting happily, so I can type this.)~~~~~  
  
  
  
Spiderman, Tyler, and Monica found themselves in the worst place they'd ever imagine; Monica, was inside a tower, resting upon a rock, that was in the center of a volcano. Tyler was hanging from a rope from a very battered bridge, and Spiderman was on a rock, almost in the lava. He was burning like crazy, and Tyler was freaking out, while Monica wailed that she was like Princess Fiona from Shrek.  
  
Tyler tried to get up, and sort of crawl up, but couldn't because he was upside down, facing lava, and that got him scared. Monica didn't want to go out because there were no windows, and the only door was like barricaded with rocks the size of cars. Spiderman at least had the spider- web shooting thingy, and he certainly used it. He flew up and grabbed Tyler and they ended at the start of the bridge.  
  
"I-I don't like this bridge, hangin' from it has given me an idea of how it can break and we can end up burned like…like…um…burned things!" and he gulped, because Spiderman had grabbed him and was pushing him on towards the bridge.  
  
"AHHH NOO!! I don't wanna go, no!" and so Spiderman sighed and took out a book, some glasses and then sat down and read; Tyler looked at him, and then took out a machine of cotton candy and started to make some. Abruptly, the cotton candy machine zoomed towards the other end of the bridge, and Tyler went after it, running like a wild…um…wild…cherry. ~~~~(The real Tyler comes up and just stares at me; I freak out and hit him over the head with a high heel wooden shoe and he runs away wailing.)~~~~ Spiderman just glanced up, and sighed, stood up, and flew to the other side of the bridge.  
  
Tyler was panting, attached to the machine, and hugging it as if it was a pink fuzzy teddy bear (A/N familiar, Jason?). Spiderman takes him by the arm and pulls him upward, them flying like flying saucers, up the tower. When they land on the cone-shaped roof, Tyler starts jumping with a jumping rope, and makes a hole on the roof.  
  
"Whoops, didn't know I was so fat" said he, as Spiderman got on through the hole. Spiderman screamed like a little girl, because of the sight: Monica making out with Tobey. Somehow he had gotten there first.  
  
"Ah, um yes, hullo Spidy" said Tobey, getting up "yes, you are probably wondering how I got here, right? Well, I just used the back door" and he pointed at a yellow door with signs that read "open me" and "here, here I'm here" and "pick me pick me". Spiderman straightened and said in a sour voice-  
  
"We know we were doing it the heroic way…you know, to impress" and he looked at Tyler who was trying to scratch his back but didn't reach.  
  
"Well, of course, of course…" and as Tobey looked at Monica, she screamed and jerked away from him; Tobey was changing into a fuzzy yellow something; suddenly, it was clear: he had turned into *drum roll and psycho music* a FUZZY YELLOW MARSHMALLOW SLIPPER!! ~~~~(Grace comes and starts laughing at Jason who just sits there…I go out of the room and continue typing)~~~~ Monica screamed that she had kissed a slipper, moreover one that she had fought, and Tyler screamed simply because he had never seen anything so odd. Spiderman ducked a fur ball Tobey had thrown, and yelled "c'mon this way!!" and took Monica and Tyler by their wrists.  
  
  
  
Chrissie, Grace, and Kat were lost; lost somewhere they had never ever been to: Banana Land. All kinds of banana were hanging about (A/N freak out Chrissie!!! I do mean those kinds of bananas and the edible kind as well!!), trotting, and walking and hanging about from their trees… *ahem*  
  
"Wow, wow, wow, where are we? I don't like bananas a single bit, and they're practically everywhere!" barked Chrissie loudly, as she was hit by a banana that was floating buoyantly by.  
  
"Yes well the hard part is how are we gonna get out of here? If Cinderella finds that she can fight us with banana peels, we're gonna be in trouble" warned Kat.  
  
Grace was observing a rotten banana, and was pinching her nose because it smelled so fetidly like. Chrissie went towards her and observed it too. Then suddenly, Ryan popped by and put his arm around Chrissie; she screamed, and jerked away.  
  
"Hi honey! Gimme my beer Martha!" haha" said Ryan, looking as weird as usual.  
  
"Ahh Ryan!! HI RYAN!!!" why are you here?!" said Chrissie jumping like a maniac.  
  
"Who is Ryan, um you, him, that?" said Kat, confused.  
  
"Ryan is this dude with whom we hang out at lunch in the muggle world…he says I'm married to him, and we have adopted 5000 children, and have 100 of our own; one works at Apple and is rich, the others work at Burger King" said Chrissie, fast.  
  
Suddenly, Jade appeared out of nowhere, and fell on his bum. He stood up, and looked around. He shouted at the top of his lungs: "EVERYONE AT THE RADIUS OF 10 METERS FROM MY HOUSE IS STUPID NOT" and then he walked away, but came back.  
  
"Hey Kat, have you seen Spiderman, or Tyler?" said he, as he looked at Ryan "who are you?" he asked to Ryan.  
  
"No-" but Kat was interrupted by Ryan's answer "I'm Ryan, and I am married to Chrissie, divorced her three times, remarried her, then Hannah, divorced her, and is now my lunch partner, and is married to Monica, divorced, and remarried again." He smirked at Jade's expression.  
  
"WOW, man you got ladies everywhere, don't you?…won't you share?" he said hopefully. Ryan just shrugged. He looked at Chrissie, who was looking at something on a window. She turned around carrying a tiny spider on her hands. Jade screamed and ran away.  
  
"I didn't know he was scared of spiders…haha" and she let the spider go…inside Ryan's shirt. He screamed and ran around like a jumping bean.  
  
Suddenly, there was a flash of white blinding light, and Spiderman, Tyler and Monica fell in front of their feet. The black hole, was now big enough to let the fuzzy yellow slipper in, and before it had time to, Monica turned and said:  
  
"A YELLOW FUZZY SLIPPER FROM THE WAR WE FOUGHT BEFORE HAS COME AND IS GONNA EAT OUR LIVER!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVER!!" and she dragged Chrissie and Spiderman to the end of the hallway. The yellow slipper was reaching them, and the only door to elsewhere, safer than that hallway, was locked. They all stopped dead on their tracks and felt a sharp pain on their backs, followed by green light. 


	14. Chapter 14: Fuzzy Slippers covered with ...

"If a turtle had no shell, would it be homeless or naked?"- Grace's subprofile  
  
Chapter 14: Fuzzy Slippers covered with Mayo…  
  
Tobey, or rather, the yellow fuzzy slipper advanced on them dangerously showing the tag of the slipper, like fangs ready to launch at them. Chrissie sobbed that she was gonna get eaten by a slipper, the worse death she had ever heard of, and Tyler was shaking like mad; if it hadn't been for the situation they were in, it would have looked like he was dancing.  
  
Suddenly, Harry and Ron broke through the Fat Lady portrait, and jumped on the fuzzy yellow slipper; Ron poured a jar of mayo over it, and Harry stuffed the inside with owl treats. The slipper howled and jerked away as it best could, but it already looked like a Thanksgiving Day turkey. Ron signaled the troop to go away while the slipper was howling, and they all did so.  
  
"Whew, after that I ain't buying no slippers, I rather wear Gucci crocodile shoes!" said Jade, who had come back to the common room, and had found our friends huddled in a corner, shivering and slightly panting. Kat and Spiderman had told them the story, and he was glad he hadn't been there. Ryan, Jade, Spiderman, and Tyler were blabbing about what stripping really meant for a turtle, whilst Monica, Chrissie, Grace, and Kat talked amongst themselves.  
  
"Well, yes the dance is coming, but really do you consider taking any of those twats? I mean you couldn't choose anything weirder" said Kat, as if the guys were the worse thing in the world.  
  
"Well, yeah I guess there are more guys at Hogwarts who are worth going with" said Monica, fiddling with her hair, as usual.  
  
"Yes, and I got my eye on this dude from Revenclaw, so I am gonna ask him, or curse him…don't really care which…hehe" said Grace.  
  
"Um, who do I ask? I don't have my eyeball on any, because we have been ever so busy!" complained Chrissie, trying to catch a fly that was flying by. Spiderman caught it and crushed it with his hand. Chrissie's eyes twinkled and she rushed to Spiderman. Grace, Monica, and Kat stared at her with surprise. Two minutes later, she came back with a grin on her face.  
  
"What did you do? Tell us!! Did you ask Spiderman??" hurried Monica, shaking her arm.  
  
"Um sort of…I asked him if he knew where to find Anakin Skywalker. He said he'd call him and check." Said Chrissie, as excited as a cucumber with fluffy pants.  
  
Kat, Monica, and Grace looked at each other and hoped that she knew that wasn't gonna happen. Kat shook herself and said-  
  
"Well, I am gonna ask Marcus Flint…so sad he had to redo grade 7 three times, but he is still a hottie!" and she stood up, yawned, and went to bed. "Well, I'll just go ask the Revenclaw dude now, so I can shake him out of bed and diss him some!" hahaha" and Grace went out.  
  
"What about you, Monica?" asked Chrissie, turning around to grab a B&B Every Flavor Bean.  
  
"Me?" asked her "Um, I really don't have anyone to go with…I haven't thought of who I wanna go with; I don't know, I'll see about it tomorrow. Now, I shall go to bed." She stood up and went towards the girls' staircase; Jade was following, so she pushed him the other way, and he fell on his butt. He stood up and went to his dorm.  
  
  
  
"Tyler, please calm down!" barked Monica at Tyler, when he had ran into her running away from Millicent Bulstrode, who was after him. Apparently, she wanted to take him to the dance, and she wasn't giving up that easily. "You just ruined my new hair!" and she showed off a curly sheet of hair. It was unusually shiny, and Tyler was getting blinded by its shine; he covered his eyes to prove so. Monica frowned.  
  
"Maybe I did put too much 'Shine-to-Decline' hair gel… but it was a pretty scarlet color! Anyway why don't you just tell her that you don't wish to go with her and-" but she was interrupted as a sound like a rhino running around in a ballerina dress came thundering by. Millicent burst in the room, and Tyler squeaked and hid behind some chairs. Monica looked at him and turned to face Millicent.  
  
"H-hello Millicent dear! Isn't it a lovely sunny warm yellow hot day filled with sunshine?" she said nervously. Millicent scanned the room like the Zeta robot, and spotted Tyler behind the blue armchair. She was on her way when Monica put herself between the chair and Millicent.  
  
"He doesn't wanna go to the dance with you, right Tyler?" she said, looking behind for Tyler. He just squeaked. "Just take that as a yes Millicent dear!"  
  
"No, now move out the way preppy berry!" barked Millicent as she was going to push Monica out her way; but Monica took her wand out and fired the first spell that came to her mind: wingardium leviosa!  
  
Millicent floated upwards like a giant ugly balloon and started growling and cussing like a drunk maniac. Monica shouted at Tyler to go away and hide, while she freaked out. Just then Harry came in, and confused Millicent for a Japanese balloon, and snatched her away from Monica's wand. She breathed, and sat down on an armchair. The door opened and in came a guy new to her sight; a tall, dirty blond haired guy, with brown eyes, Anakin Skywalker came in and looked around. He spotted Monica and came forward.  
  
"Er hi I'm supposed to go to a dance with some girl named Chrissie Potter…would you happen to know where she is?" and he scratched his head in confusion. Monica looked up, and blinked.  
  
"Well, well, well…yes I should know, I am Chrissie! But I like to be called Monica… I have to thank Spiderman for this! Pick me up from this staircase tomorrow at 7 sharp, ok?" seeing that he nodded, she stoop up and went to her room, while he went out the door.  
  
She entered the empty room, and took out her wand; she waved it, with a few well-chosen words, and there stood Keanu Reeves himself. His hair was perfect, and so was he. He looked around, amazed he wasn't in his multi million house, and then gave Monica a quizzical look.  
  
"Where and who and what and…um…hi." He said, not knowing where to start talking. Monica smiled, and said "Hi Keanu, I'm Monica Potter…NO, not the actress, it's obvious I'm not her, anyway you have to go to the school dance with my sister, PLEASE!!??" and she kneeled and begged. Finally, after offering him some B&B Every Flavor Beans, he agreed.  
  
  
  
Even from the bedrooms up in the Gryffindor tower, you could hear the music blaring. Kat, Grace, Chrissie, and Monica all looked fabulous. Chrissie was a bit pissed that she hadn't seen Skywalker before the dance, but Monica assured her that she was gonna 'love' her date to pieces.  
  
Kat was wearing nice soft pink and purple robes, the colors well blended so that the colors tricked the eyes, and flashed differently at light. Grace was wearing forget-me-not blue robes, with golden laces, and a sort of veil on it, which gave it a mysterious glamorous look. Chrissie was wearing soft green robes, with tiny red and pink flowers at the edges, that gave it a funny feeling they were dots, and not flowers, and it matched her eyes, even though hers were brown. Monica was wearing robes of soft ivory, with silver laces, and a small ribbon at her side, uniting the side of the skirt. Grace added her special touch, a flower curled on each girl's arm.  
  
Hermione, who had been absent from their minds, came in, and saluted them all. She was wearing pink robes with a golden chain, from which hung a lonely but pretty purple pearl.  
  
"I'm going with Cedric Diggory's cousin, as you know how hot he is! Anyway who are you guys going with?" she asked while looking at her hair for the 45566th time on that day.  
  
"I'm going with this Revenclaw dude, his name is David" said Grace, fixing her veil for the 10th time.  
  
"I'm going with Marcus Flint!!" said Kat, jumping, but ceasing since her robes were getting wrinkled.  
  
"I am going with Skywalker except I haven't seen him, so-" but she was interrupted by Monica.  
  
"Um Chrissie, dear sister, you aren't. He came in yesterday, asking for you, and I told him I was his date, DON'T SHOUT AT ME!! Let me finish first. Now, you are going with Keanu Reeves!!" and she stopped to look at Chrissie's expression; from anger, she went to dreamy, and to dreamy she went to crazy.  
  
"OMIGOSH KEANUE OMIGOSH HE IS SO MINE!!! KEANU KEANU!!!" and she hugged Monica, Kat, and Grace, and even Hermione, who jerked away and put lippy on again.  
  
They all went down, and found Skywalker (aka Hayden Christensen) and Keanu waiting while talking to Jade, who was taking a blonde girl, the same one as in the ship, and Tyler who had finally got rid of Millicent, and was going with a girl from Gryffindor. Harry, who was going with, amazingly Lavender Brown, and Ron, with a Hafflepuff girl who looked as crazy as Ron himself. He was actually asleep on her arms, and she didn't know what to do, so she was carrying him around.  
  
"Hi Chrissie, I'm Keanu" said Keanu, but Chrissie jumped on her arms and kissed him. He jerked away, and said "weird…that was supposed to happen at the end, but okay…" They walked out towards the Great Hall.  
  
Hayden took Monica by the arm, while Marcus took Kat too, and Grace spotted David coming, and she hurried to him.  
  
"Hey, where is Spiderman?" asked Monica, realizing he wasn't around. Everyone shrugged, so she forgot about him.  
  
The Great Hall was spectacular! Filled with golden laces, and marvelous spells of glittering things floating by, and tables, and everything just fancy. Dumbledore took McGonagall by the hand, signaling that the dance had started, and everyone followed.  
  
They were all having a great time; they spotted Malfoy with Julie, and Grace tripped him, but didn't fall cause Julie was holding him so tightly. The Weird Sisters were now singing a slow dance, and everyone was hugged to his/her partner. Suddenly, an explosion occurred, and through a broken window, came some evil thing flying; At first it looked like the green goblin, but carefully looked, it was a flying raccoon, but it was Ryan. Somehow he had dressed as a flying raccoon and was also wearing a tight red dress with sassy shoes.  
  
Chrissie and Monica screamed like mad, for they usually hang out with Ryan everyday at Muggle school. Ryan spotted Chrissie and went flying down, and if it hadn't been that Keanu held her by her robes, and Spiderman jumped out of nowhere and took Ryan the Raccoon down, she would have been kidnapped. Ryan the Raccoon jerked Spiderman, and finally grabbed Chrissie, and flew away, Spiderman behind his tracks. 


	15. Chapter 15

"Eat some panda droppings; they're very fragrant and happy. Good luck"  
  
-Japanese stationary (www.engrish.com)  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 15: The Dance fiasco  
  
Ryan the Raccoon flew out the same window he had come in, carrying Chrissie over his shoulder, while Spiderman flew behind his tracks, not missing him from his spidy sight. Anakin Skywalker had taken out his bright sword thingy, and had done one of his cool tricks, and had actually taken him down, but still, Ryan the raccoon was still invincible.  
  
"Where did Ryan take my sister!!?" shouted Monica, trying to get closer to the window, but it was high up 30ft above her reach. Skywalker was amazed by the enemy, so he just said-  
  
"Well, you're all weird, so I got to go, cause I've got better things to do anyway" and he took off. Tyler turned around, grabbed moldy peanuts that Peeves was carrying and threw them at Skywalker. He turned around, and saw no one confronting him, since Tyler had turned around, and he just took off.  
  
"Way to go Tyler!" said Kat, who was hanging from Flint's arm.  
  
Suddenly, two enormous pink elephants came flying down from the broken window, and stopped in front of Monica and Grace; they were Zim (belonged to Chrissie), and Mr. Poop (belonged to Jude W., not mentioned in this story).  
  
"It seems that they want you guys to mount them" said Hermione, coming closer to inspect the elephants.  
  
"I ain't going up no elephant, okay? Besides, how do you mount these things?" asked a bewildered Grace, looking up to Zim. Zim took her by the waist and put her on his back; Mr. Poop did the same thing with Monica, and she laughed.  
  
The elephants took off, and there they went, outside, to look for Chrissie!  
  
  
  
  
  
Chrissie found herself in Freddie's house (aka Jade…Hi Freddie!); she was tied to a chair, and suddenly, Freddie came in with a towel around his waist and around his head, while brushing his teeth; Chrissie screamed and so did Freddie; he ran away, and Ryan the raccoon came in.  
  
"Hello wife! Pass me that…pencil! Hahahaha!!" said the maniac, while taking off the dress and the raccoon dress; he was dressed, luckily, but the way he was dressed was as scary as himself with no clothes (*shivers*): he was wearing a Lincoln's hat, a purple blinding poncho, a stamp on his forehead that read "Warning: will get naked when feels like it's too chilly, or is surrounded by girls"; he was wearing a vest, with paw prints, a flowered skirt, with multicolored panties under that, long green socks, and finally, Krusty the Clown's shoes. Chrissie shivered slightly and started humming the Linkin Park song…  
  
"..Shut up when I'ma talking to you! Shut up when I'ma talking to you!!…um Ryan, why am I here?" asked Chrissie, after finishing singing.  
  
"Um, because our child, the one that works at Apple's, said that he was gonna give one of us $1 million bucks if we could find him a pink elephant…and I know your half brother Potty Potter gave you one…or two…or infinitive!!" and he started dancing "Bye bye bye" by *Nsync. Chrissie freaked out, and started dancing to the beat too.  
  
Suddenly, Zim and Mr. Poop entered Freddie's room by the window, shattering it to pieces. Ryan looked up and before he could react, Mr. Poop had situated on top of Ryan, plastering him to the floor like a piece of gum (hehehe).  
  
"Zim!!" shouted Chrissie, as Monica went down from Mr. Poop and untied her. "Who is this other elephant?" as she patted Mr. Poop…you could also hear Ryan's wails from under the elephant.  
  
"It's Judy W's, and she is in vacation so he can wander about freely. Are we gonna leave Ryan here or are we gonna turn him in to the Texas Ranger's office?" asked Grace, mounting Mr. Poop again.  
  
"Uh better not Grace, that guy scares me…I think he is gay (A/N GAY PRIDE!!…hehehe I ain't lesbian though…just saying)" answered Monica. "Hey, I'm thirsty I'm gonna get some water from this house's kitchen...by the way where are we?" she asked, going out the room.  
  
Suddenly she screamed, and came back running, for she had seen Freddie, aka Jade, hiding, still in his towels.  
  
"Go Go Go!!" she said, grabbing Chrissie, and thrusting her on Mr. Poop, and kicking him so that he would take off. When they were outside, it started raining; but it wasn't normal rain; not big drops of cool clear water, no. It was raining from the ground up, and it wasn't water, it was little shiny specks of something. It looked so pretty that Grace, Monica and Chrissie stopped at someone's roof (A/N which turned out to be Richard's roof), and they just observed the rain.  
  
Spiderman came flying and landed on top of Zim.  
  
"Hey, where is that creature of the evil frisitridimensional world?" asked Spiderman, eagerly. He saw Chrissie safely leaning on Zim's head, watching the spectacle, and then Monica signaled him to get comfy and join them. 


	16. Last Chapter 16: the Farewell

(To all of you who read this silly story, many thanks and I luv you guys *kiss* hehe)  
  
  
  
Last Chapter 16: The Farewell  
  
Many great (aka stupid) things had happen along the school year, and innumerable incidents (meant or accidental) passed by their minds when all of our friends were packing.  
  
"Ugh, I don't want to leave!! It's much too soon, and I want more adventures!!" exclaimed Chrissie, shoving a sleeping Ron from her underwear drawer. He fell on the next suitcase, Grace's and she kicked him off rather hard.  
  
"Yeah well all the adventures you're talking about, Chrissie, dear, were all caused by Harry, or nearly by him!!" squeaked Grace, as she sat on her suitcase to try to lock it. Ron fell over, rolling, onto Monica's suitcase, which was rather full of tuna cans and pieces of sponges.  
  
"Well, I had fun, and I got into a diet of tuna and lost .0001 gram of fat!!" she said proudly , and Harry came in.  
  
"Kotex Fits. Period. I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME MOMMY!!" and he threw himself onto Kat and Monica's arms. Kat shuddered and gave him to Monica, and she shoved him to the end of her closet. He poked his head out and showed them a pair of Batman underwear.  
  
"Ooh who was Monica with uh? Haha!" and Monica snatched the underwear from him.  
  
"It was from Jason, Peachy gave it to him when she left him, and I just stuffed it in there like you, Harry." And she sat on her suitcase, and magically (not) it closed.  
  
Jason came in, and he looked rather nervous. He cleared his throat to let them know he was there, and he went and stood next to Monica.  
  
"Um" he whispered "I'm gonna tell them that I am-"  
  
"Why?? You don't want to be the unmasked hero of our time?? You'll lose all the credit you've been having dummy!!" barked Monica silently.  
  
"No, I'm not gonna go and save anymore people unless it is exceptionally needed. I'm going to live a normal, Asian-Cool-Dude life, like any other person." And he cleared his throat once again.  
  
"Uh hello everyone, um I've got something to say…Um I am Spiderman." And he closed his eyes and made a face as if he was waiting for some storm to come.  
  
Everyone burst laughing.  
  
Tyler, who had just come in with Jade, was supporting himself on the four-poster bed, Kat was punching the floor, on all four, Hermione, Chrissie, and Grace were falling onto chairs and beds, laughing hysterically. Ron was still snoozing. Monica looked at Jason. He looked back. They both shrugged.  
  
"I told you you'd lose all the credit." Said Monica in a matter-of-fact tone. He nodded and was heading for the door when she screamed and fell out the window (on purpose). Jason rushed down, shot one of the spider webs, and dived down to catch her. Everyone huddled to look out the window.  
  
He had got her when she was near the ground, grabbing her by her wrist.  
  
"Are you crazy? I mean yes you are, but what were you thinking??" asked Jason, totally surprised.  
  
"Hey, give me some respect, I'm training to be schizophrenic, and I was just trying to show them that you really are Spiderman! See? It worked!" and she pointed upwards, to the window were everybody crowded to look at them come.  
  
With many "oohs" and many "aahs" they reached the window, and got safely in. Everyone was observing, poking, congratulating, remarking, complimenting, and asking Jason. Somehow, he whispered thanks to her, and she just smiled and went back to packing.  
  
  
  
The whole school was getting in the train. Harry previously had started crying, even though in two months he'd be back. He claimed that "these year's spirits weren't coming back, like dogs to bubble gum coffee". Just where the bubble gum coffee thing had come from, no one knew.  
  
Hagrid informed them that the Mandrakes that were left over from third year were successfully killed by the cauliflower massacre, up in Rainbow Valley. It seemed that Grace's bus had been outran by the Milk Truck, and she had got mad, and started throwing cauliflower coffee at the truck. Kat just sighed and went looking for Flint. Hermione went to look for Diggory's cousin (his name was Tumblederto Gobler), and the rest of the gang, including Jason and Jade and Tyler, got the last compartment. (Ginny hadn't been at school because she had run away with Jeffrey the Giraffe from "Toys R us" and had got married as well).  
  
The party passed their last hours together playing "Catch-the- glasses" game, (they used Harry's), "Spin the katana" (using Tyler's), Puke (instead of Speed with cards), and "Let's see who can smooch a pear longer", a new game introduced by Jade, with a few changes:  
  
1) Jade had said "french kissing" with every girl.  
  
2) He had also included the "touch and guess" part (you can all imagine what it is)  
  
3) He was the only one who could kiss, and not Jason, Tyler, Harry, or Ron.  
  
And they had all conjured up a pear, and glued to Jade's mouth so that he could play the game and everyone else could snigger at him.  
  
Finally the Hogwart's Express reached King's Cross Station, and pulled up on Platform 234.89 1/4 and a pint (they had changed the numbers, to make it obstruct for Muggles). They all gathered their luggage, and gave each other's phone numbers so that they could call each other. Suddenly, Dumbledore, who had come with them because wanted to spend a vacation at Israel (trying to help Bush fix the War on terrorism, since he was the world's last hope) called their attention.  
  
"I have a very, very last announcement: I am retiring (and living in Majorca) and the next Headmaster will be your dearest teacher Professor Snape".  
  
Everyone gasped. Neville choked and died. Harry had a heart attack. Every single Hafflepuffian, Revenclaw, and Gryffindorian had some spasm, hot flash, or nervous breakdown. What was going to happen at Hogwarts next year with Snape at command?? I wouldn't know because I'm stopping from writing their future!!! ;)  
  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!! (really? Yes! Ohh…ow...shut up...okay…sniff sniff) 


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